Solving Problems

Solving problems, and diving deeper is something that I enjoy doing, immensely. Sometimes, it is hard for me to only listen without offering possible solutions or suggestions on how to make things easier or how to navigate situations that may arise that I can forsee.

I understand the importance of holding space for someone to share what is going on, and I appreciate that. I also like to then discuss possible outcomes if certain moves are made. This is the same when someone is venting. I want to help them move through what is going on to a better situation, a better place, a better state of mind and space.

When I am upset sometimes I just want to be heard, I will work out the options myself, seek out stories that might illustrate the path I am looking to take, or may specifically ask questions of people who I think I know would know. When solutions are offered up before i am ready to receive them it almost feels like I am not being “heard” enough.

Perhaps I also need to take this on board and find a transitionary statement, or stage in the conversation that easily flows into solutions without feeling like the point of pain has been cut short. Perhaps I ought to ask if I can offer solutions, or what if we brainstorm to find pathways to positive outcomes.

The next thing I think of, is that perhaps, I really am suited better to writing my thoughts in one coherent piece of writing than to be in an open dialog situation with someone face to face. Perhaps I really am better on paper, in black and white, in this specific sort of way.

So if I am looking for a solution of how to solve this, I guess I could seek feedback from those I’ve been in conversations with to gauge how I have done in supporting them and helping them get a sense of forward motion. Perhaps I can read a bit more into coaching and best ways to do it when dealing with emotions. Perhaps I can just listen and let that be enough when I am face-to-face.

Finding solutions that are win-win for everyone involved always appeal to me. I want to somehow share this in a way where others can also find this kind of balance, so we can all move forward together as peacefully as possible.

Resistance and Steven Pressfield

In “The War of Art” Steven Pressfield discusses Resistance with a capital R as the nemesis to actually doing and creating the work you are meant to create. I’m about half way through the book, which I mostly read after bub has gone to bed at night, or in the precious private moments I have in the bathroom. Funny that I would take a book that will obviously have a profound impact about how I create, into the loo. I have to laugh about this.

If I look at the bathroom as a metaphor, it is the place of letting go of what is no longer needed. How amazingly appropriate is it that I would be reading a book about overcoming, moving past, letting go of the resistance, the constipation, the delay of the next stage, in the bathroom, specifically on the toilet. This is incredibly amusing to me. It fits my life so well too.

He talks about how we will enlist people in our lives who are living out our unfulfilled lives as a way to not do the work ourselves. As I spoke to a dear friend of mine last night, she was telling me about a book she is writing along with the short stories she has submitted for recognition and money. She is taking a self publishing course, and has a writing coach. I could hear her enthusiasm and I felt happy that she was doing this, and I have full faith that he will do well with this. She is dedicated to the cause, she gets in there, and is a highly ambitious person. Her partner is also a creative guy and both hold regular hours in jobs that are meaningful for them.

As I was taking in what she was telling me, I immediately realised that she was living out an unlived life of mine. One that I have kept secret more or less, in the way that I don’t go about saying “I’m a writer” and “I’m writing a book”. Although when I returned from living in Brazil, I did say just that, but partly because my ego was so hurt and I felt like I needed to have something to say that I did. Honestly I was writing a lot in the form of journal entries or blog posts, but it never fully eventuated. Oh boy that feeling sucks. When you’ve then told people you are doing something and then it doesn’t happen for whatever reason, or doesn’t happen as fast as anyone thinks it will. I would like to avoid that feeling as much as possible, so I don’t say things like that now. Instead I quietly keep it to myself.

So I didn’t mention to my friend that I have been regularly posting on my blog again. I didn’t mention again that it’s a goal of mine to publish work that matters to me and I hope that will positively influence people in the world. I didn’t mention any of this. I did have fear arise. I thought what if she writes about my own personal life, she knows so much and my life is so rich.

This makes me baulk at the idea now, its’ still could happen, but I don’t think she would jeopardise our friendship like that by telling my story from her lens, or at least I hope she wouldn’t’. It did however, spur fear into me. Fear is another form of Resistance. Fear stops us from succeeding even before beginning. Fear is the bedfellow of failure and I recognised it straight away. So what am I to do?

The natural competitiveness in me started to rise, I could feel it. I then thought what if I also start writing short stories and submitting them for recognition and money. Then I felt bad, because I only know of the idea because of her. That is also fear, that is fear of success before it even happens. I must move past this and recognise that it is again Resistance in the form of Fear.

Next the fire inside of me started to burn and said, WRITE MORE! Get your story out. Keep writing, continue to make this a habit just as I have my meditation practice, just as I have made it a habit to have a pot of tea with my husband in the morning. Create the habit.

The point of all this is that I can see Resistance in so many areas of my life, and now that I can identify it, I can and will do something about it. Steven Pressfield then goes on to say that if you hold your regular hours of writing, and your muse will show up there. I have found that if I wait until late at night, I am too tired, so I need to make it in the morning while my husband looks after bub. The thing is if I commit to saying I will do this every single day no matter what and something arises, then I will have more Resistance. So for now, I will just continue to commit to writing as of I have lately and let Resistance lose its’ power.

Awake?

Awake or not awake. Isn’t trying to classify someone as “awake” or “not awake” just another way of segregation? By using those labels it brings further separation rather than the unity that is needed.

I find it interesting when people throw their views on you. I’m sure I do this as well and that’s why I can recognize it. Most of the time I think they are sharing what they need to hear as well, probably as much if not more than the person which whom they are talking.

So if I’m hearing the gospel from a person who has proclaimed to be “awake”, I question why they are telling this, especially when it has not been prompted. If I bring this back to marketing, it is when a brand is forcing its message upon a consumer when the consumer would rather feel like they are discovering it for themselves.

Immediately I pull back in situations like these. I try to really listen to what is going on, not just what is being said. I listen and I choose my next action, which is generally to exit.

 

What We Experience…

taking things on as our own…

so what we experience is only that…
it isnt ours its just what we do
its what we see
its what we taste
its what we hear
its what we feel
its what we think about
but none of it is ours…
nothing really belongs here or there
it just is…
so if this is the case…which i believe it is at this moment
then everything is accessible
confirming that nothing is personal… its all incredibly impersonal
so if thats the case… just enjoy whats there at that time
enjoy it for what it is… but know it has no owner
its for all to share, to love, to experience…

Not to Worry

I said to him “Daddy…”

“I’m not worried about money…”

it will come – its a great resource

and I know I’ll be well off in life.

So if I just focus on what I like,

what I’m passionate about – which I am now,

well in our society

we compensate monetarily

and I will be compensated well

but my soul is not for sale.

I can’t be concerned with things

when I know the truth lies in the feelings.

I thanked him for giving me love as best he could

and told him that I’m trying to focus on the good.

He said I have such a solid head on my shoulders

like someone much wiser and certainly older.

I reminded him that I am just twenty-eight

I’ve got a long road ahead to anticipate

lots of good fortune and love will surely come my way,

as long as I’m good to myself every single day.

A Gal

i met a gal

and showed her how

I frame my window

to see the world 

with clear glass panes

seeing the light of the sun

explaining that it will rain

and suggested she try to reframe.

she smiled and said 

she felt good around me

and would try as well

to turn that key.

my other friend said

my presence is intoxicating

that its so different when I’m around. 

i said i will never know 

what its like when I’m not in tow

i only know what i know

and i only know how to be me…

Sharing in Absolute Love

Last night I spoke with a long time girl friend that I have known for a good 14 years… Life has taken us in different directions yet we still seem to have similar trials… I found myself telling her all of the things that I know I should adhere to as well. About being good to yourself, about making sure that you are healthy before extending your self to another person. About taking the time to stand on your own, to learn about your own soul, develop your thoughts on your own, to be strong and aware of who you are, without relying on a man to fill in the gaps. About the glory of being a woman and how it is essential to not take the freedom we have in our generation, here in America, for granted. That life is full of endless possibilities and there are so many options available at any given time. To not worry too much about trying to compromise or adjust within a relationship if there are fundamental differences that just don’t jive. To not focus too much on the future and just focus on what is happening right now. To surround your self with positive energy in your best environment where you feel the most love. To listen to the inner voice as there is always a reason when you hear it. Most importantly to keep striving for honesty in both mind and heart as good will be inevitable. Great love will come but only after Great love is found within your own soul…   

The beauty about interacting with others is that you are able to have a conversation. Specifically when you are surrounding yourself with those who are worthwhile, that have attributes that compliment yours so you can continue to learn and vice versa. To be able to flow in a conversation about love and life and being is very special… to share a part of you, right now, with another is absolute love. 

I am so blessed to have such incredible women in my life. They are beautiful souls that I learn and grown with each time we interact. Just writing this brings such warmth and love for them, my self and life.

Sheltered Inner Beauty

I talked to an old friend today, someone I spent time with a long time ago, she said she had been looking for me and that she was moving. It was great to hear her voice, I had been recently thinking of her as well as she signed my going away print of the hotel when I left years ago, so the timing was perfect. I love how that works out.

A lot has happened since we last spoke, her daughter and grandchildren had already moved out East and her and her husband leave at the end of this week. They traveled around a bit and found a farm in Missouri where they will soon be calling home together. This made my heart smile and I know she could hear it over the phone. I wished her the best and we agreed to try to not lose touch like that again.

I gave her a brief nutshell of what has happened in my life and that I am writing about it now, I told her I didn’t regret going at least I found out that it wasn’t true love, that it was what it was and I have grown from it. I said it was a hard stage of life, but that I am glad I went through it. She commented that I have been so sheltered in life. I agreed. I have. I have been very sheltered in a lot of ways, but I didn’t ask her in which ways, I just assumed we were speaking of the same way… she said that I didn’t even know how sheltered I was… and I said, of course I didn’t… I didn’t think I was sheltered… I can see that I have been very sheltered. It was interesting that this would come about in a nine minute conversation after not being in communication in a couple of years.

This stayed with me and when Rachel returned home for lunch I told her about the conversation and she said she also thought I had been sheltered, but then she reframed and said that sheltered wasn’t the word she would choose, she thought for a moment, and said that I was priveleged. Priveleged and I didn’t know it. She then asked me if I realized how much inner beauty I have because of this. She said that I have inner beauty that shines to my outer beauty, that my inner beauty is just as wonderful as my outer… I didn’t know how to take such a comment or compliment, but I tried and I replied that at times I feel like I do, but other times I really don’t and it isn’t something that I think about… she said that was part of it… 

 

She says to me

You don’t know your inner beauty

do you?

You feel you’ve been sheltered

but I think you’ve been priveleged

you don’t know your limitations

you haven’t experienced a lot of rejection

like most have with time

I say I’ve just been really lucky

to have had great people around me

gorgeous, wonderful, kind people

who are deserving of the trust I give

and they have shown me that its okay just to be

I’ve just been really lucky in life

to have been in really great environments

along my path of life…

I have experienced a lot of positivity in life

it has affected me and I love that

I am fortunate

so call it priveleged or sheltered

I sure am glad to be who I am. 😀