It’s all in my head
what I’ve seen, what I’ve read
what I’ve heard, what I’ve said
what I’ve consumed, what I’ve been fed
it will be this way until I’m dead.
“It’s all in your head”
but I know what I feel
not all that we see is real
I know there’s more to an orange than it’s peel
I’m on an adventure and I’m at the wheel
I’m not afraid to embrace what others fear
I accept what I know and hold onto it dear.
I said to him “Daddy…”
“I’m not worried about money…”
it will come – its a great resource
and I know I’ll be well off in life.
So if I just focus on what I like,
what I’m passionate about – which I am now,
well in our society
we compensate monetarily
and I will be compensated well
but my soul is not for sale.
I can’t be concerned with things
when I know the truth lies in the feelings.
I thanked him for giving me love as best he could
and told him that I’m trying to focus on the good.
He said I have such a solid head on my shoulders
like someone much wiser and certainly older.
I reminded him that I am just twenty-eight
I’ve got a long road ahead to anticipate
lots of good fortune and love will surely come my way,
as long as I’m good to myself every single day.
How to spark the light… the intellectual light in the dark? You can’t just point out and say “this is it.” There is a process of learning, thinking involved that eventually creates a revolution in one’s mind that creates the spark. That spark hopefully leads to light and it all has to start somewhere, but it has to be discovered individually – by one’s own merit – by one’s own way – that’s the only way for anything to have a full and major effect upon one’s life.
Sitting in silence
listening to my breath
without a thought of regret
my mind wanders
to the term “vessel”
I realize in this moment
that’s what makes me tangible
it houses my soul
it houses my mind
in this thought I’m aware of time
not in the societal sense
but in physical birth, growth, aging and death
Another thought kept passing through
lyrics that I love to listen to
“know what I want, know what I can get…”
and I’m reminded only physical limitations can be set
in this life I’m really well off
with a strong mind and an interior so soft.
January 3, 2009
Rising with force and vigor out of the deep blue water, people trying to peek in as I shower with drops like rain on my head… another burst of ferocious energy and I’m catpulted into the air – finally out of the water – in excitement and a sense of freedom, the energy spins me around and I go higher – water droplets flying off me – Orange, Yellow, Blue
You and me we are the same
we only answer to a different name
we both have a book of life
where we have our individual chapters of strife
we both have physical bodies and brains
we both have the ability to take the reigns
just like me if you belief it – its true
making a special moment out of the blue
from the windows in which we look through
you have the choice to do the right thing
to dance to the songs that you sing
to write them yourself and make your own way
to cherish whats within our reach every single day
Need to spend more time
in the sun
with breaths of fresh air
where there’s plenty of space
where noones in a race
except the kids playing on the lawn
or the deer over yonder with her fawn.
maybe not as far as voluntary simplicity
but certainly away from the big city
brief moments and stretches in passing there
but returning back where the focus is care
where love and life thrive with ease
where you feel a caress from the breeze
where life is slower and can be enjoyed
where love and energy are always employed
like waving as you pass along
where it feels so right and you sing a song
a place where everything is fresh
and you feel at your best
where that is common among the rest
downhome love and acceptance
with wider expansions and the will for the present
where being good in all things important
the feelings, not the things ride the current
of now and whats right here
I’m not there right now, but the time is near.
This year is about growth and prosperity.
A year of truth and discovery.
Where opportunity abounds where great things will be found.
I can say this with the utmost confidence
that we will know more about kindness and patience
as we learn about our own individual preference
and how to incorporate that into the balance.
A year of listening to the inner voice
of knowing the self and singing in rejoice
Of being grateful for where we are
while taking time to look up at the stars.
The light will shine bright in 2009
lessons will be learned to know that I am mine,
over tasty glasses of red wine
slowing down the time.
Happy New Year! Learn to be your very best You!
Take time to learn what you’ve gone through
And always remember what you get is up to you!
I just watched a movie with new eyes that I have loved since the first time I watched it over ten years ago. The Truth About Cats and Dogs is a wonderfully clever and truthful film. Granted I usually do overthink and dive into ideas head first these days, leaving little room to just laugh, with today being no exception. I wish it weren’t so, I wish I didn’t always read into what I am experiencing, but I will keep doing this until I stop. 😉
So the beautiful blond Uma Thurman plays a very sweet, misdirected, loveable, yet dumb girl while Jeanne Garafalo plays the opposite role as the nondescript brunette with brains, wit and intellect. There is a lot of truth, I hate to say, in this very cliche casting and line of thought really. Then, oddly enough, I am relating it a little bit further that the beautiful blond is like the best friend companion who is always happy to see you and makes you feel good because they feel good to be around you. I then take the nondescript brunette as being more like the cat who is more complicated and does her own thing, finds her own amusements and develops in a completely different way.
I have thought a lot about this idea of how one’s outward beauty dictates their life experience. I especially realized how my outward appearance – my white skin, my tall stature, my long blond hair and my blue eyes drastically impacted my experience while living in Brazil, a country with such a mix of nationalities mainly of Latin and African descent. I know that my appearance helped to shape my personality. I know that my personality shaped how I have handled and continue to handle things in life. I know that my life would be very different if I didn’t look the way that I do. Just as if I wasn’t born in America, or in 1980, or in California, or a girl. It all makes up how I am in life.
So, with that said, I know that I cannot pinpoint exactly why I am the way I am because, like everything it seems, there are so many facets that should be considered that make up who I am, where I am and why I do the things that I do. I feel awkward with what I am about to say as I fear the perception that I am arrogant, but because I am attractive I know that I have had an advantage in my life, particularly when it comes to social aspects. Attractive people are, as I can see it, easier to socialize with, easier to deal with and just easier in most cases all around. There are the assholes and the bitches of course that value attractiveness above intelligence thus letting it all go to their head and think that everyone should worship them, but the majority are not that way.
So, there was a part in the movie that basically said that dogs are always happy to see you and don’t say… ah… yeah, my owner has left now it is time for me to write a novel, instead they wait until the next time the owner comes back. They go to those who will pet them and aren’t selective as cats can definitely be. They are easy to please and aren’t too picky about who loves them as long as someone loves them.
Sure dogs can be complex. Sure attractive people can be complex, in fact, they usually are, but in a different way than less attractive people, I think. Am I ridiculous to even make this comparison? Maybe. But as one who has seemingly moved from one relationship to the next with other attractive people, is it fair to say that I am like a dog in that sense? How about my cat like distance that is inevitable? What about that side of it… complex… always is I guess. I guess this is why it is good to think about such comparisons. How can I ever know about someone else’s complexity when I am just trying to figure out my own though… it certainly does make me think about being more selective on who I allow to pet me.
Love. I looked this up in the dictionary yesterday in a grey moment… I see it is up on my dashboard still… why I ask myself now, why? to find someone else’s version of how they can describe an emotion? silly. How can one accurately describe such a feeling anyway? How can we even assume that it is the same from one person to the next? It isn’t, it is totally and completely individual. What I feel when I think of love is different from situation to situation, let alone if I truly try to compare that to another person’s idea of what it means to them. It is like trying to describe a color. The other person will have their own perception of what that color means… we all see things and feel things in a different way, maybe in the same stream, but never exactly the same. So instead of looking up the dictionary version of an emotion that I hold to be confusing, beautiful and crazy, I am just going to feel it out myself and attach the meanings and value that I put onto it… whatever that fuzziness really is.