thoughts on the american dream

swimming around

in the dream

sometimes in the warmth

in the light way up high

and other times

yes they happen too

i find myself in the deep

dark cold blue

all various shades

of the mighty spectrum

of life… of the dream

the american dream

or whatever that seems

the collective unconscious

the one thats planted

from a bygone era

the one that isnt mine

that isnt yours

but belongs to those

who hold the strings

who orchestrate the show

once i stepped outside

away from the scene

thats its all so mindless

we’ve been cogs in the machine

its hard to see this

when thats all we see

but ive seen more now

and can’t return

i know theres another way

than the “american dream”

that silly silly american dream

or whatever that means…

Back in Time

back in a time
where values are antiquated
old fashioned ways
conservatism
outward appearances
singing at the pews
wasn’t ever really from here
i just spent time
my time, i needed to learn
i can survive
i must know one extreme
to experience the other
i have to know senseless order
to have perfect chaos
intentional freedom
i must know the mold
to break from it
it isn’t my mold
that is utterly clear
as i find myself back here

Energy versus Words

I react to energy, but am swayed by words.

While living in a foreign land I learned that I can only trust what I feel, not just go by the words that come out of the mouth. I had to learn to read energy to know whether they had good intentions or not… I didn’t learn this straightaway, but finally I learned to trust what I felt, to stand tall with my decision and to do what I had to do…  

I see the expression, I see it in it’s true form.

Like anything, when I see it, its with me

I cannot act like I’ve not seen it even if I try…

 

I try to steer clear of false identities

wolves in sheep’s clothing

and the sheep with fangs

I suggest that it all be taken off

until then – I request that you stay away

I don’t know an easier way to convey

that I only want truth and honesty.

 

I only want those around me who want the same

even in places where I see smiling faces

where words do not erase the incongruent

actions of thier body

so please step back away from me old friend

people change i understand

but for christ’s sake don’t try to force

something that isn’t there… whats the point?

 

I want to be true to me

and I want those around me to be true to them too

hopefully we can come together later

on a healthy platform to share what we’ve learned

to exchange ideas and thoughts we’ve earned…

Not a Doll

He just wanted me

to be a doll – 

beautiful and quiet,

smiling politely

around the lions and wolves

of his society.

He would urge me to shop

to spend his family’s money

he would always laugh

around his special company.

When I would speak up 

about social issues 

or speak with the maids 

he would always excuse 

“she’s American” he’d say

then revert to the 

stock prices of the day. 

More concerned with money

and financial affairs

with his Blackberry in hand

like a big business man. 

I was fooled quite well at first

while living in the high desert

where I thought he quenched my thirst.

A little late it all became clear 

after I had rearranged my life to be near.

So I distanced myself more and more

I refused to shop or buy needless things

I didn’t want to be the caged bird

I couldn’t forget how to sing. 

I didn’t want him to think he had control

I wouldn’t trade money for my soul

I had to escape

I had to leave

there were greater ideas

like love in which I still believed.

Money has a Price

Here’s your very own

platinum card – 

the keys to the kingdom. 

We won’t say it aloud

as we’re a family quite proud

but it’s time for you

to play along

to dance around

and sing a sweet song

to smile and wave

at the events uptown. 

Don’t talk to the maids anymore

and if you cry – shut the door

and when you come out

be ready to talk about

traveling to other countries

or to just listen I should say

about the newest trip planned today.

You’ll hear the same stories

every single time

of traveling bags and empty minds

while listening to jazz

and drinking imported red wine. 

Act interested in those

at “The Club” 

laugh with those in the hot tub. 

They say this is the life

but it surely has a price. 

Unfortunately for them

as much as they would try to entice

I could never be bought

as for me freedom has no price.

Looking up Love in the Dictionary

Love. I looked this up in the dictionary yesterday in a grey moment… I see it is up on my dashboard still… why I ask myself now, why? to find someone else’s version of how they can describe an emotion? silly. How can one accurately describe such a feeling anyway? How can we even assume that it is the same from one person to the next? It isn’t, it is totally and completely individual. What I feel when I think of love is different from situation to situation, let alone if I truly try to compare that to another person’s idea of what it means to them. It is like trying to describe a color. The other person will have their own perception of what that color means… we all see things and feel things in a different way, maybe in the same stream, but never exactly the same. So instead of looking up the dictionary version of an emotion that I hold to be confusing, beautiful and crazy, I am just going to feel it out myself and attach the meanings and value that I put onto it… whatever that fuzziness really is.

Blind, but Starting to See…

I remember back when I was a freshman in high school, some 14 years ago now, talking to a guy friend telling him that I wished everyone were blind. I wished that we were forced to only look into each others hearts to make decisions on who we chose around us. That we would choose only the highest quality people for who they were on the inside not how they appeared to be on the outside.

 

My first music festival in 2005, Vegoose, was a turning point in my life. I went originally to see Jack Johnson whom I had been listening for a few years, but had no idea what to expect. It was a brilliant mix of artists, some who I had heard of before, but most that I had not. I liked the beat and the feel of the festival and that scene so much that I really started to get into it. I didn’t really know what it all meant, but I was loving it.

 

Sometime in 2006 I remember a friend posing a question to me… If I had the choice to be blind or deaf, which would I choose? I immediately said that I would choose to be blind, thinking back of my youthful wish. I was still so much into music and moving my body to the beat that I couldn’t imagine not being able to experience it. Along with that, if I were blind then I would be forced to solely rely on my intuition to lead me in the right direction.

 

Then came a huge physical turn in my life… I moved to Brazil. I heard people all the time singing along to songs and not knowing the words and I realized that I also, didn’t really know either. I began on a personal mission to look up lyrics of my favorite songs. This has been so revealing. I didn’t know the lyrics and I certainly didn’t know the meaning of the words that my favorite artists sang. This lead me to start looking up the artists themselves. It inspired me to learn about history so that I could understand the climate of the world and the US at the time the artist grew up and when they wrote the lyrics. I wanted to know why they chose the words that they chose to sing about. I wanted to know why they chose to sing about those topics. I didn’t understand, but I really wanted to so I just started to try. I was blind in another way, for so long.

 

I still don’t know if I really see, but I am beginning to and that makes me feel good. I can only try to do my best in any given circumstance while striving for truth and honesty in every situation.

White Privilege

This is fantastic article outlining mainstream present moment examples that we are experiencing as a nation in regards to White Privilege. There is white priveledge in the US and around the world for that matter. It is unmistakably true about the US as it is for Brazil, my current vantage point. It is disgusting and unfortunately most people still don’t see it. We are taught in the US to not see the racism and built in biasness that runs so deep in the United States. Like a lot of things, it is hard to see something that is right in front of our eyes every day, especially if we have always been taught to look at other things. We, as Americans, try to hide it, try to make up for it in some sectors, but if you actually research the issues you will see that minorities and women generally come out on bottom… while white men, continue to be on top… We live in a White World and as my white friends will probably dispute this, it is absolutely true.

I got this article from a friends site www.myspace.com/portuguese_poetress – Thank you Amy.

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Here is the article:
White Privilege

This is Your Nation on White Privilege
By Tim Wise
9/13/08

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot
shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while if you’re black and believe in reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school, requires it), you are a dangerous and mushy liberal who isn’t fit to safeguard American institutions.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto is “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child
labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college and the fact that she lives close to Russia–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because suddenly your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely
knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is when you can take nearly twenty-four hours to get to a hospital after beginning to leak amniotic fluid, and still be viewed as a great mom whose commitment to her children is unquestionable, and whose “next door neighbor” qualities make her ready to be VP, while if you’re a black candidate for president and you let your children be interviewed for a few seconds on TV, you’re irresponsibly exploiting them.

White privilege is being able to give a 36 minute speech in which you talk about lipstick and make fun of your opponent, while laying out no substantive policy positions on any issue at all, and still manage to be
considered a legitimate candidate, while a black person who gives an hour speech the week before, in which he lays out specific policy proposals on several issues, is still criticized for being too vague about what he would do if elected.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian
nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and
everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Dotrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to go to a prestigious prep school, then to Yale and then Harvard Business school, and yet, still be seen as just an average guy (George W.Bush) while being black, going to a prestigious prep school, then Occidental College, then Columbia, and then to Harvard Law, makes you “uppity,” and a snob who probably looks down on regular folks.

White privilege is being able to graduate near the bottom of your college class (McCain), or graduate with a C average from Yale (W.) and that’s OK, and you’re cut out to be president, but if you’re black and you graduate near the top of your class from Harvard Law, you can’t be trusted to make good decisions in office.

White privilege is being able to dump your first wife after she’s disfigured in a car crash so you can take up with a multi-millionaire beauty queen (who you go on to call the c-word in public) and still be thought of as a man of strong family values, while if you’re black and married for nearly twenty years to the same woman, your family is viewed as un-American and your gestures of affection for each other are called “terrorist fist bumps.”

White privilege is when you can develop a pain-killer addiction, having obtained your drug of choice illegally like Cindy McCain, go on to beat that addiction, and everyone praises you for being so strong, while being a black guy who smoked pot a few times in college and never became an addict means people will wonder if perhaps you still get high, and even ask whether or not you ever sold drugs.

White privilege is being able to sing a song about bombing Iran and still be viewed as a sober and rational statesman, with the maturity to be president, while being black and suggesting that the U.S.should speak with other nations, even when we have disagreements with them, makes you “dangerously naive and immature.”

White privilege is being able to say that you hate “gooks” and “will always hate them,” and yet, you aren’t a racist because, ya know, you were a POW so you’re entitled to your hatred, while being black and insisting that black anger about racism is understandable, given the history of your country, makes you a dangerous bigot.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism and an absent father is apparently among the “lesser
adversities” faced by other politicians, as Sarah Palin explained in her convention speech.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because a lot of white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.