Witnessing Aggression

In general I do a really great job of limiting my time and eliminating negative people and situations out of my life. I know that if I continue to put myself in an environment where negativity is, that it only takes me down with it, and I’m entirely too sensitive for all of that.

Lately I have been struggling though, and it’s with a situation that seems to happy with every encounter and I am having a hard time breaking from it. The situation is a little more delicate I think, but perhaps I think that because I am so close to it and I don’t know truly what she is going through. It has to do with a mum and a bub who my bub and I have spent a considerable amount of time with for the last year. Her bub is super high energy, and aggressive. Before it was all about helicopter parenting to keep an eye on them and ensure that he wasn’t biting my bub. Now it’s full grown into pushing and biting for no apparent reason. My friend is at her wits end as to what to do and has started giving a smack on his hand with an explanation of why he’s getting it. The last time this happened, we all took a break of about a week after her bub was consistently aggressive towards my bub and I could see that my bub was showing signs of fear from him, which is not okay.

In that break, my bub and I were socialising with another bub who is also a pretty easy going toddler and they played just fine for a couple of hours and it was great. I felt so much more relaxed and at ease, my bub was happy, everyone was happy and easy going. I noted how it felt so different when my friend and I met back up to take a walk and talk and it hurt her. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but truly there is a marked difference when her child isn’t around and I feel really bad that this is the case, but from my perspective, it really is. So I’ve just started to notice at social events if there is a difference and surely there is. Even when I have other bubs over to play, it’s not intense like it is when they are here, and I honestly feel really bad about this.

Why do I feel bad? I feel bad because I really like the mom and I like the child, but I love myself and love my child more and know that we have to come first. When we did get together for a play time, sure enough it was intense and we had to be like hawks over them. I even noticed that my bub was acting wilder than normal around her bub. Then came the aggression from her bub to my bub and what ensued has stayed with me since. I know the mum has the best intention and is really trying to sort it all out, I know this. She quickly pulled him aside and told him why that action wasn’t acceptable, and said he was going to get a smack, and then she did it, and put him down on the floor, where he wailed for a few minutes, until he got back up and was almost back at it again.

The thing is that this time I saw my child watching closely at what was happening, he was actually witnessing violence in some form from an adult to a child. I cannot shake it out of my mind and it makes my stomach hurt when I think about it. So now the situation as it stands is that my child becomes fearful of her child because her child is aggressive to mine. I am tense throughout it all. She is tense. She reprimands him physically and verbally, and my child AND I are witnesses to this and have to feel that energy in our space. I am not okay with this, and it doesn’t feel good at all. In fact if a friend were telling me about this I would advise her that she needed to take a very long break away from them. The truth is that my child, myself, and my husband are the most important in our world, period. I am so particular about what I consume mentally, who I am around, what I experience, and all of a sudden I have a parenting style that I am not okay with, right in my nest, in the home that is to be our sanctuary, our oasis, our retreat and safety place. This must not continue.

Maybe we can play when we are out as a group, but I really don’t want to be a part of that nor be affected by it any further. It’s really hard because I care about them but I really care about us more and this is my own, my very own family and I will do whatever I possibly can to make us the best and to protect us as I can.

 

Neptune and Saturn Influences

Today it was pointed out to me that the astrologic climate is one of general cloudiness and internal change specifically regarding mutable signs since we are under a Gemini Sun with the new moon in Gemini, Jupiter and North Node in Virgo, Saturn in Sagittarius, and Neptune in Pisces. I happen to have a lot of natal planets that correspond with this such as a Virgo Rising, Saturn in Virgo, Neptune in Sagittarius, Mercury in Pisces, and a Gemini Midheaven. Lately in general, especially yesterday it was so crazy easy for me to get so worked up and go to a worst case scenario when my husband wasn’t home when he should have been. This had a negative impact on my entire day. How crazy is that? It really shook me. However, now that it has been pointed out to me that this astrological weather is happening, it makes me feel a bit relieved. It makes me feel like I have been under the influence but that it’s okay, that it will pass.

It was suggested that I try to balance things out by doing more Saturn versus Neptune things. So instead of getting lost in the arts, music, day dreaming, food and beverages etc which are all part of Neptune, go Saturn instead. Saturn is all about being practical, doing things physical, grounding in reality really. Saturn is about getting things done with a to do list and not stopping until things are done.

So today, I took 2 separate walks, one in nature which was incredibly grounding, and another around the block just so I could get physical. I ate well, I played with bub, I made plans to get some new furniture to update our internal look at our house, and I had a relatively hard conversation with a friend about not being so sensitive when she was vulnerable recently about her child being aggressive.

I am navigating through these waters, and I am assured always that things will always change, and for this, I am grateful. Until then, bringing more Saturn into my life to help me move forward productively, effectively, with ease, peace of mind, and joy.

 

Walking Feels Good

Walking gets the energy flowing and it feels good. When I take a walk, even just around the block in our neighbourhood, I feel a shift. I also tend to meditate while I walk, which means that I focus on my body, my breath, the immediate things around me, and it really helps to connect me and get me out of my own head.

Perhaps being cooped up all weekend long in the rain made me even more grateful for the walk today, but it certainly reminded me that I ought to not take the effects for granted, and incorporate it as a daily habit for my own body and mental health.

Waking Up in a Panic

Last night my husband had to rush into work as there was a huge outage likely due to the torrential downpour that was happening here in Sydney. This was sometime before dark and I consider it much easier to drive in the daylight than in the dark, especially in inclement weather. However, dark came early since it’s winter, and I kept an eye on him through Find Friends which is an app that we both have to locate one another in case of an emergency. Okay, all was fine. Close to 10p I went to bed and sent him a text saying to come and cuddle with me when he gets home.

This morning at 5am I awoke to his side of the bed empty, no texts, and he was no where to be found at home. I tried Find Friends and he was not locatable. His phone went directly to voicemail. I sent him an email, a Skype Message, a FaceBook message, so pretty much every way I know of how to get in contact with him. Nothing. Nothing. I tried to reassure myself that he was okay but I couldn’t help feeling very very concerned. My mind immediately went to the absolute worst case scenario, and I was completely distraught.

Finally I get a text back from him saying that his phone had died and that he was still at work. Sure that gave me some relief, but sheesh, I had already worked myself up so much, it didn’t really bring relief.

I try my best not to get too attached to people, places, things, ideas, because I know it’s all fleeting. However, I have become so attached to my husband and even the thought of something bad really throws me off in a major way. How do I reconcile this? How do I come to terms with this so that A) it doesn’t actualise in the worst case scenario because I really do believe that my thoughts are incredibly powerful agents of change and B) somehow loosen my grip on this attachment so that I am not completely destroyed if something does happen. So many what ifs. I know this is a dangerous game to play and one that serves me no good, yet I am playing it.

Along with this panicked start to the day, I have noticed the craziest not nice self talk happening to myself quietly. It’s like my mind has gotten on a runaway train and I know I have to bring it to a halt. None of this is doing me any good. I feel so unbelievably emotional and sad, almost like I am already grieving and that isn’t helpful to me. I’m likely tapping into the grief well within myself and all of the other emotional experiences that are tied to that are also being accessed subconsciously. I even found myself playing old music that I used to listen to way back when, when honestly I wasn’t all that happy, and I was completely unattached. It’s like I was taking a trip down a bad memory lane, to a place that doesn’t serve me well, and isn’t bringing good forward moving feelings of gratitude, love and happiness.

So what do I do to combat this? I took my vitamins this morning, I spent some time thinking about what I am grateful for, but I will write this down as it will have a bigger impact, something about writing it down and seeing the words is powerful and does create a shift. I did some deep breathing. I dabbed on some Rose Essential Oil. I took some flower essences, I played with baby. I made myself a protein shake. I took a shower, exfoliated, and then put on my makeup. I put on a white top, that really does seem to help my mood too. Really I am doing whatever I can to up my self care. I will meditate while bub is napping as well. A good walk when he wakes up will be great for both of us, especially now that the rain has broken and the sun is out. It’s been a long weekend indoors that’s for sure, then topped off with this last night/this morning, it’s been a bit much.

It really is true about the Golden Hour and how it sets the tone of your day. Now I’ll do what I can to get it back on track.

Au Pair – A Helping Hand

Since declaring what I will be doing, I have found a lot of excuses of why not to be doing it. In this, a big part of my excuse is that I am looking after bub full time and don’t seem to have the time to devote to my project. It seems to be more that I don’t have the energy to do it. I have had the energy to bake each day and to start 45 seedlings, but not energy to devote to what I really need to be doing. This could be about me hiding and resisting what I need to do, and I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that I can remedy this by bringing in help, so I’ve advertised for just that.

Certainly this has all been compounded by being cooped up all weekend long due to the torrential rain. Anyway, moving forward, looking for an au pair to help out and it will be great.

 

Unfocused day

Sometimes unfocused kind of scattered days come along. Today was kind of one of those days. It’s the weekend yet it was rainy and cold outside meaning that bub and all of us were cooped up inside of the house. On top of that, there was someone coming to look at my car that is for sale, and we weren’t fully sure when they were coming, so we really did just hang around the house, and bub really wasn’t into it. To break up the day, we took a tired irritated baby to the supermarket, which actually did work out for the most part for us.

I had planned on creating a plan, on setting some goals, on doing something to get me closer to my goal, and all in all, I didn’t do as much as I had hoped. With a housebound toddler who was needing my attention pretty much all the time, he really must be going through a phase, and my husband not feeling so hot, it meant that I was really on duty all day, and fine enough.

I am grateful that I have learned to be compassionate and understanding with myself. It’s okay to have these kinds of days even if they don’t feel all that great in comparison to days where things get done, or true relaxation has been achieved. These days are fine too and I am happy that I can say that it’s okay and I have the opportunity tomorrow to proceed.

What If I Documented My Process with LOA?

It dawned on me today that I could show others how to action LOA for a lifestyle upgrade by actually documenting my own experience step by step, maybe even day by day at times. I know I have a very powerful way of manifesting and this way I can literally share all of what is happening. This way, other people can see how I am doing it, and in turn do it themselves and upgrade their own lifestyle. How incredible would it be if I was able to positively impact people, specifically women, to upgrade their lives and feel better along the way? How incredible would it be if I helped to raise the vibration amongst this group so they can be more productive and happy in their own lives? How incredible would this be?!

So many times in my life I have done things that later I read about by someone else and I’m always like, yeah, I did that like 10 years or 15 years ago, and I kind of chuckle at myself. I have intermittently written about my adventures or at least how I am feeling in journals, on scraps of paper, on coasters, on posters, here on my blog and online in social media posts. However, I have not consistently tracked what I have done when I am actually doing it. So maybe now is a great time for me to do this and serve as living proof about lifestyle upgrading and reinvention of oneself.

Wouldn’t that be so nice if I was able to simultaneously upgrade my own life, share my process with others, and they also do the same! Yes, this sounds like a great plan. How do I know? It makes me feel energised. How else do I know? My body feels a bit of butterflies in the stomach, but in a very good way, how exciting! How else do I know this is the right path for me? It’s something that I have been practicing for as long as I can remember, and I know it very well and have shared bits and pieces along the way with so many different people, and I enjoy the process of sharing it all. Cool. There it is, I will document my own process of using Law of Attraction to upgrade my own lifestyle and share it with others so they can also upgrade their own levels of happiness and lifestyle too!

Law of Attraction Life Upgrade

Using Law of Attraction, the idea that like attracts like, is a key theme and way I have been able to upgrade my life again and again. Even before I had heard the words or the term law of attraction, it is what I was doing. It has been proved that our brains are plastic and can be reprogrammed and rewired by new habits. Those new habits can be real or imaginary because it takes place in the mind.

Countless business, psychology, and self help books all describe that in order to create change, you have to visual it first. Visualise each step and hold that in your mind and it will become that. Also I know firsthand that if you have contradictory thoughts, they will also emerge because the mind does not discriminate, it produces what is in there, even if you think it’s something that you don’t want, it is still holding space with the want.

Some key aspects of visualisation include relaxing, breathing deeply and allowing the mind to day dream. This can also be done using a guided visualisation meditation process as well. Another way is to write out in detail what is going to happen and to imagine it as clearly as possible, with all the details from all senses. What does it look like? what does it sound like? how does it smell? Can you taste anything particular? Overall by enlisting all of the senses, it brings the vision into a fuller image, into an almost tangible thing, and most importantly it produces a feeling. That feeling is going to be something to hold onto as feelings are like wood to a fire, they help it burn bright and help the transfer from what is in your mind to what is in front of you to actually happen.

This very simple process is applicable to all areas of life. The next key is to support it with thoughts and phrases that help you remember. They can be something like “I am healthy and strong” or “I am loveable and loving”. I find it best if you use very active “I Am” statements as over time when you repeat these, even if it feels unfamiliar at first, a time will come when a switch happens, and you can hear the conviction in your own voice because you now own that statement about yourself.

Another very key aspect to upgrading your life through law of attraction, after visualising, creating a clear picture, creating a supporting statement or mantra, is to also create actions and habits that support your goal. It doesn’t matter how much wishing you do, the most powerful part is in the doing. It always is, you have to show to yourself that you are doing what you know will get you to your goal. This way holistically you are supporting yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally to get to where you want and need to go to upgrade your life.

These habits of action need to be implemented in small pieces so that it’s easier to keep them going. If you do a cause and effect kind of habit, where if I am doing A then I do B next. An example would be every time I use the toilet, I write something I am grateful for in my gratitude journal that is in the bathroom. Another example is every morning when I get up I take a moment to feel appreciation for the sleep I had (regardless of how much I actually got), I then put both feet out of bed at the same time and get up standing strong and into a stretch before moving forward with my day. These habits will support your efforts and make the process of you moving towards your goal much easier.

Also celebrating the accomplishments you have made along the way is so major. This is something that I have had to work on. I have found that manifesting what I want in life to be pretty easy, but I then hurry along to the next part without properly taking the time to enjoy and revel in the fact that I have done a piece of the work along the way to the bigger project. Celebrating can be big or small. It can be taking time to read a chapter of a book you’ve been wanting. It can be buying yourself a little personal “way to go” or “thank you” gift which will help serve as a reminder when you look at it that you are indeed, on your way.

Upgrading your life is actually really easy, especially after you get the hang of it. You just have to do it with intention, clarity, and really support you and your efforts. You have to support you and the rest will all fall into place, I promise.

The Waiting Place

I fear that I may have found myself in the waiting place. Not intentionally, but I think it’s where I am. Earlier I was talking to my husband and said that I can just feel like this next chapter is going to be the one where I really break out from where I am personally now, professionally now, and move forward in that area. As I said this I realised how I was unintentionally putting a “grass is greener” lens on the next phase, and ALSO putting myself in the waiting place! How could I have done that!

So whenever I realise that I am feeling weird about a place or a situation that I’m in, I do my very best to do whatever I can to appreciate it and show gratitude because those feelings, those emotions ripple into so many different areas of my life, as they are mental habits that I make and are patterns that make up me. So I am in a stage where I need to be appreciative and grateful for living in Western Sydney and along with that, all of the other aspects of my life. So…

I am grateful that I completed my Bachelor’s of Business Administration and Marketing because I’m drawn to that subject matter and it was a long standing goal that I have now achieved.
I am grateful that I got married to my loving husband, who happened to have accepted a job in Western Sydney because he is my love and I’ll go wherever he goes.
I am grateful that we chose to have a baby and that our lives have been forever changed with his blessed presence.
I am grateful that I chose to live with him and bub here in Western Sydney, because being a family is important to me, and raising our son together is essential for a family life in my eyes. I am also grateful for living in Western Sydney because I have met a great group of women who are also first time mums and we have all grown together.
I am grateful that I have devoted the time to grow and develop with bub. I am grateful that I get to experience the all the special moments with him because he is only this age once, and I am only this age, at this stage of my life, once. I am grateful that I slowed my career path down a bit while relatively continuing to keep up to date with blogs and books.

Now is the time where I need to keep writing, keep sharing, keep expressing myself. Right here, right now is where I will do it all. Period. That’s it.

Emotional Hangover

My head hurts, my eyes hurt, I feel withdrawn, slightly manic almost going from a momentary high to back down into the wallowing blah that is. It’s hard having an emotional hangover. They can last for days, up to a week. For some people they get so used to being in that emotional hangover state that it consumes their life and months go by, even years before they really bounce back. I guess I’m lucky. I have a high tolerance because I’ve gone through a lot of unnecessary crap in my life. I guess that make me lucky in some regards, I know it passes, it always does.

The emotional hangover can be caused by a number of things. It doesn’t have to be solely around losing a loved one, or breaking up. It can be not getting the recognition for a job well done after you spent months working on it. It can be not getting thing you’ve been dedicating time and energy into only to be turned down, not given the chance, or just ignored all together. It can be trauma as well like after having a baby, or having a car accident, falling and breaking a bone, it can all cause this feeling. It’s almost like life gets put slightly on hold so that you can reconcile what has happened and then move forward.

Some positive points about an emotional hangover include learning how to look after and love yourself. This is only if you have worked on it. The easy way is to indulge in some escapism with drinking too much, getting high, binging on Netflix, overeating or fantasising about the old glory days. None of this really helps, but it seems to, at least momentarily, and when you are feeling low, anything that makes you feel even a little bit better seems like a great option, at the time.

As I’ve gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I’ve learned that I need to do the opposite of the negative indulgence. I really need to feel the feelings before I can let it pass, and then I focus on me. What really cures the emotional hangover is a whole lot of self love, self nurturing, and self compassion. This includes getting some body work done such as a massage, or acupuncture. There are many other options, but for me, this really helps get everything back in order. I know I need to eat well, as in healthy good foods that make me feel nourished. I normally don’t eat meat, but when I am feeling like I need something extra, I don’t even hesitate getting some salmon or some kind of beef, it just helps everything in that moment. Moving my body is a key upper as well. It can be as simple as taking a walk around the neighbourhood, or doing the stairs more. I also have a sauna at home, so letting my body sweat a bit definitely helps get it all moving which helps me move through the emotional hangover. I also find that if I groom myself, even if it’s a DIY mani/pedi, and a DIY facial and DIY hair mask, it all makes a world of difference. I also make a point of putting on makeup because when I look in the mirror I see a more perky version of myself and it holds space for me to move back into that, even if I don’t feel that way right then.

Sex can be a great aid for the emotional hangover. Orgasms and releasing in that way specifically helps to reduce stress in a major way. This can even be effective without a partner but oh boy it’s so much nicer when it’s with the one you love.

Expressing the feelings or the even what happened in a factual way can be helpful. Writing it out, painting it, speaking it all helps. It can be very harmful to keep it all in, just be sure not to hurt anyone’s feelings when you do share. Also taking responsibility for your own feelings is essential. Working out how to avoid another emotional hangover is also awesome if you can do that too.

Sometimes, in life, you just have to understand that things will go the way they do. Control is often out of your hands, and all you can really do is manage your own self, your own reactions, and seek help if you need it. Use every experience as an opportunity to grow more into who you really are, to learn what you can from it, and move on.