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    So Scorpio

    Having a baby and becoming a mother has been very scorpio to me.

    To simultaneously love something and not know if you can go further, but somehow do.

    The crying, the laughter, the crying, the tears, the smiles, the poo.

    The tired eyes, the exhaustion, the elated joy.

    Going the distance for someone else.

    Abandoned any sense of selfishness. It doesn’t exist as a mother.

    Merging with bub because there is no other way, he is from me.

    Sleep Deprivation

    Wondering if sleep will ever be something that I can do for hours at a time again. Wondering if parents actually just get used to not sleeping? Wondering how I somehow continue to cope with the lack of sleep and relatively function during the day.

    I know it has a profound effect upon my brain and my ability to think and problem solve. I know it has a major effect upon the amount of caffeine I have been drinking to stay awake. A decaf latte and a herbal tea just aren’t cutting it for me these days.

    Ready for baby to sleep through, or at least get four to five hours minimum in a row at night. Please.

     

    The New Era of Husband

    My husband is already an incredible man.

    I admire him for his strength, endurance and capacity to always think outside of the box.

    He is genuine, he is original, he is completely and utterly authentic.

    I learn something from him in one way or another, every single day.

    Now that my darling husband is a father, things have changed.

    You might think, oh no… things have gone downhill since baby arrived.

    But, no.

    In fact, life has just gotten that much richer, that much deeper, and that much fuller.

    My husband as a father is beyond words.

    He is unbelievably caring and nurturing to myself and our son.

    As I continue to think that I love this man as much as I can love,

    I then love him even more.

    Seeing him with our baby melts me, it excites me, and makes me feel so much love.

    The joy that is derived from our household right now is contagious.

    The joy is so think and so omnipresent that even if we are sleep deprived,

    things always seem to brighten up and go our way.

    My husband is absolutely my life partner,

    he is my soul mate

    he is my everything.

    By far the greatest love of my life and I am blessed to know him, to be with him, to experience life with him.

    It gay porn movies is through our love that we have created our own family and it feels so fuqing good!

    Little Prince A

    This baby is in need of emotional support.

    His motor skills and other areas of development are above average

    yet emotionally he still needs a lot of care and extra attention.

    This is A OK for me.

    This cialis online Little Prince, Baby A gets a ton of love

    from myself

    from my partner

    from random strangers

    from friends and family

    He is a light and people see it.

    Perhaps his light needs other’s lights to help shine brighter

    by reflecting back their own light and illuminating all

    this is the same as his mama!

    I guess we see in others what we see or recognise in ourselves.

    Little Prince A is of royal cloth this is for sure – especially emotionally.

    20 Weeks

    20 weeks, 12 weeks “corrected”

    He stands and supports his own weight

    He grabs at objects

    He lesbian sex porn makes eye contact

    Smiles, oh those smiles!

    Laughs at times,

    Makes strong eye contact

    Sucks really hard – I have hickeys!

    He’s massively determined and makes grunting sounds of effort

    He wants to taste everything:

    Mom, Dad, Teddy, any toy, tissue, hands, anything that he can put into his mouth!

    He has a super strong grip – maybe stronger than mine!

    Our super baby no longer looks like a premie!

    He adult anime has filled out with a double chin and leg rolls!

    He is an absolute joy.

     

    Pure Joy

    Baby lights up when speaking

    he gets out his words

    as pure joy exudes from his being

    he is pure delight

    last night I had tears of Joy

    joy so strong brought about by my own boy

    my own son

    my son!

    my sun!!!

    Such a blessing

    I love getting to interact with him

    to engage

    to be so totally present

    and in love

    in joy.

    Pure Baby

    Being a mum is beyond

    having a baby of my own

    a little person

    a new being in this world

    who smiles even alone

    and sees everything for the first time

    who has no prejudice

    no preconceived notions

    he’s completely and totally open

    he gets grumpy

    he cries

    he owns his emotions completely

    he is so beautiful in his way of who he is

    so pure and so natural

     

     

     

     

    New Memories

    Recently I’ve come to specifically replace a newer better image in my mind’s eye with something not so pleasant that I have seen recently. With the bombardment with the media flashing sensationalised images, scenes and stories at us all the time, there are moments where despite my avoidance of the news, that somehow it comes into my peripheral reality.

    For instance, I saw an image of a child that had not been treated well when I was reading another news related article on parenting. I did not come to that site for the bad image, nor was that the topic of what I was reading, but it was in the sidebar of suggested articles to read. It was disturbing enough that I thought about that image constantly over the next few days.

    Then came a moment where I said to myself that enough is enough and I need to do something to change this. So, I started to imagine a healthy, happy and smiling child as a replacement. The image of a bright and beautiful child who has been well taken care of and obviously loved. This image of love and health is now becoming the dominate image in my mind when it is pulled up in my memory.

    It is taking conscious effort to create this change in my mind. At first there was a delay and it felt hard to superimpose this image onto. However, after doing it again and again, it now is almost automatic. Eventually in my minds eye, the loving image will prevail.

    I know that I can do this with stories, but this is the first time I’ve consciously done it with an image. I know the power of it and I know there is room for deep healing in this process. It isn’t about sweeping a bad image under the rug, but it is about being aware that in my world, I get to choose what stays in it and how it stays. I am responsible for my subconscious and I am responsible for how I operate in this world. I know that I am sensitive, so if I employ these tactics, it will indeed help me to acknowledge that the other exists, but to still walk in the light.

    Incredibly Full

    Full

    Full of the son

    Full of the light

    If ebony bondage I were a cup I’d be at the brim

    yet

    I’m only at 26 weeks.

    How much more can I inflate?

    stretch?

    I hd mobile porn see him moving

    regularly

    protruding in my belly

    cliffs are formed

    waves celebrity porn tapes are created

    and then silence.

    Incredibly Full

    my body is

    a house for another

    for buy generic priligy online a new soul

    for the emerging sun.

    Incredibly full

    until my cup

    my body

    filleth over.

    14 buy viagra more weeks

    of feeling

    of learning what I can take

    of gestating this being

    of using my body fully.

    Total Transformation

    It old milf has occurred to me in such a magnanimous way today out of seemingly nowhere, that I am undergoing the most profound and ultimate transformation of my entire life. I am reminded of this truth when I look to my navel and see that it now protrudes substantially from my core, that my belly has stretched in ways it has never known before in order to house the growing love being inside of my body. The emotional and physical flares that arise in the way of stuffy noses, tiredness, sensitivity, extreme joy, blissfulness and heightened sexual energy, all of which comes in waves and reminds me that I am amidst change. My mind is morphing with the hormones and the additional heart that is growing inside of my body. My mind may be having some conflict, which is creating these physical and emotional reactions, but nonetheless, my mind, my body, my emotional landscape are all changing in every single moment.

    It is surreal to think that as I type this, as sit here thinking about life in the current state of now, that I have within me, not just one heart, not just one brain, but two of each. My body and spirit are feeding and giving life to another human being in this very moment. It feels slightly superhuman and absolutely divine as there are no other words to identify with right now. It feels like the idea of unison has been achieved and is happening all now. It was the united love and intimacy that brought this about. It is the joint wishing for this amongst an altar to Shiva, Ganesh & Paravati. It is the manifestation of our love on our wedding day, which allowed for this divine act of creating new life, creating a third life out of two.

    It is only now that I am ready and prepared for this. It is only now that I am able to completely give of myself this transformation, this life changing process. It is only now that I truly love myself, that I found true love in another, which has prepared me.

    I am learning lessons in each moment. I am learning how to be more kind to myself, to be more generous and gentle with who I am. My energy comes in waves and, sometimes, I just need to take it easy. This self love and compassion is growing daily which I know I will need once I give birth and am responsible for another. The fierceness of love and loyalty I feel for my husband is growing stronger and stronger. There is nothing greater to me in this world right now that the two of us, and our child that is growing inside of me, it is my family that takes complete priority above all else. It is in the ability to convert my own research and knowledge of food and nutrition that I am now able to easily create healthy meals for us. This may sound trivial and if this were the younger version of me speaking, she would have been outraged that I would even consider this to be so huge, but it is. I am nourishing myself, my husband, our child, our life with prosperity and healthy in mind.

    It’s Thursday. I’m 23 weeks pregnant. I will never again be who I am in this moment, and it has never felt more true than it does now.