This is so hard for me

my tender heart is rebroken when we meet

its like a rejection again and again

when i’m around you I want to be back in

the warm and generous nature I know you have

along with your admiration and basking due to my love

you allow it – but each time I’m left so sad.

I try to be cool – most times I think I pull it off

or so I think –

I purposely put a barrier around me for protection

so I won’t continue to get hurt

I try, I try, I try

but its so hard with my broken heart

The Mosquito

I want to kill that mosquito

the one that keeps biting me

and draining my chi

it comes to me in the night

when I have given up the fight

it takes up my energy and doesn’t allow me to write

Please find another body to bother

I want to gain my own closure

but its hard when it is also a haggler

in my mind… possibly so

and even though I’ve left I haven’t fully let go

so it flies around me when my head hits the pillow

I am now a hemisphere away

but it finds me anyway…  

I guess I must really be drenched by the rain

for it to leave me and cause me no more pain.

So Let the Rain Fall!

Leave Me Be Mosquito!

The Heart Breaker

I don’t want to be a heart breaker  

I want to find balance between giver and taker

I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup

I want to love you dearly

But surely I know I will want to break up

I don’t want to break your heart in the process

Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress

I’ll experience what you have to offer

I’ll see how I am affected by it

And as easily as I’ll fall in love

I’ll fall right back out…

Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route

I wish I knew how to be another way

And still be happy and joyful every day

This is why I need time to be alone

Spending days all on my own

Falling in love with myself and who I am

Learning about me and learning how to stand

I will reach down low and stretch way high

I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor

While I let my mind and soul fly

It has to start with me first

I will try to break my heartbreak curse

As one love once said as he sat still

“If you let me love you, I will”

Now its time for me to instill

This thought of love and acceptance

Of hope and repentance

For me first and then for you

Then in my life I can be one of two

I owe it to myself to do this now

I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how

So, I will do what I think is best

Cutting myself off from the rest

Until I figure out a bit more

Until I reach to the depths of my core

Where I find my own true love for my soul

Then I’ll come back out to play

With a refreshed outlook on the day

Where I can confidently believe and say

“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”

until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,

first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.