Sad Happy

So many emotions running through at the same time. Playing with bub, he’s laughing, I’m laughing and this sadness creeps in. How can I be both happy and sad at the same time? My father is dying of cancer very quickly. I was only there with him back in the states just a few days ago. It all feels like a very strange dream and I am not sure how to reconcile it.

I don’t like that I was there for that reason, to be with my dad as he learned for sure that he had cancer. I did like spending time with my family as it has been so very long since I’ve seen them face to face, or laughed out loud with them on the couch, or shared an iced coffee or just sat quietly together. It feels like a dream that I was just in the hot summer of California’s central valley with all the dust and dirt flying around admist their major drought.

Escapism Lifestyle Fascination

I don’t understand this fascination with the culture that I grew up. It is all over the mainstream media. Living a life with a parent or two parents that are heavily into drugs and partying rather than being parents is such a challenge. Having different brothers and sisters from various parents and steps gets confusing, are they still your brother after my dad and their mom divorce?

People are complicated. I feel like it’s glorifying this lifestyle, or perhaps its just trying to shed light into it, I’m not sure. All I know is that it’s very weird to me seeing that I could easily be one of those characters watched on the tube.