Back in Time

back in a time
where values are antiquated
old fashioned ways
outward appearances
singing at the pews
wasn’t ever really from here
i just spent time
my time, i needed to learn
i can survive
i must know one extreme
to experience the other
i have to know senseless order
to have perfect chaos
intentional freedom
i must know the mold
to break from it
it isn’t my mold
that is utterly clear
as i find myself back here

What We Experience…

taking things on as our own…

so what we experience is only that…
it isnt ours its just what we do
its what we see
its what we taste
its what we hear
its what we feel
its what we think about
but none of it is ours…
nothing really belongs here or there
it just is…
so if this is the case…which i believe it is at this moment
then everything is accessible
confirming that nothing is personal… its all incredibly impersonal
so if thats the case… just enjoy whats there at that time
enjoy it for what it is… but know it has no owner
its for all to share, to love, to experience…


Life is all about your perspective… if you think you are some way… if you follow that way taking on its nuances… you will be that way. Thus, those around you will treat you that way because you are that way. Perspective… I can have and be in any way/life/path/reality I choose. Always. When you think that way you become that way

If this is true… then always choose the best way, the one where you feel the most love… and you will in return get the most love because it is starting from within you first… and if you can start from within it will all work itself out just as it is supposed to be… you just have to embrace your true nature…

Random Notes on a New Year’s Morning

Random Notes scribed in my journal on a New Year’s Morning somewhere near Santa Cruz:


Be in the place where you can see the most blue skies… where you can get lost in the clouds.

Blue skies like when you are in love…

BE where you feel the most love!

IT all relates to following your bliss, do what makes you happiest and brings you love!

It’s all about the love in all things…

IT should come naturally! 

You know you are in your right place when you aren’t wearing any masks and your arms are open and you’re embracing your surrounding space…

Choose the best! The best that fits you so you can be your very best you… where you understand… know the truth, be honest!

Always strive for truth… that IS the truth! 

Wind blows, clouds swirl, sun casts rainbows, twists and turns, rolls and expands, dissipates and moves along. 

“treading uphill in a slippery bag trying to find my shoes” 

I love the warm winter sun on my cheek.

I’ve missed the great and expansive Pacific Ocean… I love California and it’s majestic and diverse coast… 

I am blessed and thoroughly grateful to be here.

Journal Entry Sunday January 4, 2009

I awoke this morning with an overwhelming sense of oneness with all people – that I’m just like everyone else and, in turn, they are all just like me. Everyone is the same. Its just what we do that differentiates us – but everyone has the ability to be something – its just how much they li8sten to that inner voice as to how far and in what direction they go. Most of that was all predetermined before we got here anyway – just like I chose my particular family so I could learn the lessons about love, patience and being in my life. I used to think that wasn’t something that I chose, but the environment I did choose, how others reacted and how that environment changed- as a child- I didnt’ have control – Of course, in the end and alwatys really – all I can do is be me – do what makes me my best – I have control over my self and my life – and if I choose to go a different route – if I decide to listen to my soul a little more than others to guide me – then so be it 🙂 It is my way – the way I find best suits me – I think that everyone is like this but just not everyone realizes it, accepts it and uses it to better themselves, their soul, in this small amount of time we have in this life…

A Poem: Sit and Think and Drink My Tea

I’m not looking for any responsibility

I’d rather find an inviting shade tree

where I can sit and think and sip my tea. 

My life is full of absurd Calamities

that drive me to think of pure insanity. 

A part of me is trying to shake my vanity 

yet I still feel happy when I doll myself pretty.

Maybe this makes me incredibly needy

One thing’s for sure, I’ll love you if you feed me. 

Feed me any way you can

by sharing your thoughts or whats in the pan. 

I like to think, I like to learn,

I like to wonder how the world turns.

Turtle in a Dog eat Dog World

Last night I we had a yoga instructor come over and give us a class… boy was it intense, much more than any other type of yoga I have practiced in the past. It was wonderful and definitely what I needed. At the end of the session the curly dark haired yogi spoke about conscious breathing. Paying special attention to slowing down and being aware of our breath. This is something that I picked up from a special person over the years who actually used to hold their breath on a regular basis.

The yogi mentioned how a dog pants really quickly and dies at a young age, usually not reaching their 20th birthday. He then spoke of the turtle and how it only takes one breath every few minutes and can live hundreds of years. The slower the breath, the longer the life. This stayed with me until I wrote about it in my journal just before bed. I went just a little bit further in my thought process and connected that a turtle lives his whole life in the ocean or in some kind of water, how lovely. Hanging out, swimming, eating what you need, being totally protected with your hard shell only having to worry about sharks or human preditors. The dog on the other hand is everywhere. I thought back of the “res dogs” these mangy, boney, wild-eyed scary creatures that I’ve come across when driving through the Navajo Nation in Arizona. I then thought about the dogs that I see on the street with their tails in between their legs, curled up next to their homeless owners, both showing their bones through their skin wondering when they would be able to eat their next meal. The lifestyle is totally different between the two… the dog can be ruthless and will do whatever it has to in order to survive, its only now in history that we have domesticated them.

When I awoke this morning we headed to the Center of São Paulo so I could register for work finally and amongst all of the people I thought about my breathing. I thought about the dog versus the turtle and as everyone was rushing around me I thought as well about how we live in a Dog-Eat-Dog World, and in the heart of the city you cannot ignore this brutal fact. So does that mean, if you want to have a long life, you must not live in this environment, you must not partake in that sad ruthless world of Dog-Eat-Dog? Is that what separates those who live in the city versus those who live in less populated but beautiful locations like in the mountains or by the ocean? Less stress, no need to live at a face pace and less of a need to breath at a fast pace as well? Does that lead to a longer life? Probably so.