In hope for more

so here i am
where i thought i would be
but not how i want it to be
not feeling quite like my best me
sure i can make it work
sure i can morph and transform
not really my thing these days
not at all
so change is in the air again
oh yes again indeed
there is always a reason for the wind
surely enough the breeze is picking up speed
its not due to lack of opportunity for money
for making a life in the wine country
but its just not me
perhaps it was before
but i’ll never know
lifetimes away from now

i am blessed with incredible gifts
of seeing things as they are
with the ability to follow my bliss
to redefine and forecast
in ways beyond my comprehension
manifestations of dreams
all of them from my past
the same one that led me here
but i am no longer that
so now i guess its time to dream again
to make smaller steps
to build the foundation
to continue my climb
my growth
all or none or so it seems
take it or leave it
these incredible dreams
but for now…
for now…
for now…
just looking for simple happiness
simple truths
yet yearning for a bit of a steady home
which i can make happens when i choose
but the wind keeps on blowing
my mind keeps expanding
and my heart… oh my heart… it keeps me moving

i am a feeler with incredible intuition
aware in so many ways
yet a novice to it all
not knowing how to really harness it
so move i must
thats all i seem to know right now
move until i feel it
hopefully someday that feeling will sustain

to leave one reality for another in hopes of something better…

Still Dancing

Just keep on dancing

and all will be alright

release yourself of worry

no time for an internal fight

just enjoy the music

and dance tonight.

The wind may blow

the rain may fall

just spin with it

open up to hydration

embrace it all!

Don’t think of stopping

but feel free to pause

take a moment to catch your breath

but get back out there

and keep grooving!

All night long

no stress, no afflictions

just feel the beat through you

let your body get a movin’!

It’s in that moment

where freedom is found

so liberate your soul

no need to let yourself down

no need to hold back

you can even close your eyes

if it feels right

but don’t have a concern

and leave behind all your cares!

Just keep on dancing

find your groove

keep on dancing

bodies are meant to move!

Embracing Femininity

Time to embrace

my god given gift

the all mighty

power of femininity.

my body

my curves

my scent

my vessel

housing my soul.

blessing it is

hard to express

in a conservative society

like the one that exists.

so much more than just flesh

a truth i am starting to understand

something to explore

not to be afraid of

or to feel any shame from

embracing my femininity

at the eve of thirty

in this rebirth i shall

be one with it in all ways i can.

A Woman of Extremes

from the lush smoky mountains

to mother earths red rocks

in a moment it all changes

so quickly i can’t stop.

one extreme to the other

that’s what i do best

i figure that’s the only way to know

to administer a constant self test.

see where i stand

i call it determination

a dreamer and a doer

so they say of my particular day

the last of the zodiac

what more can i say?

a combination of water and fire

of high hopes and desire

of rain and of lightening

never a dull day

the highs and the lows

the lefts and the rights

the gas and the brakes

its all within me.

so i search

i explore

i find

i live

i love

i am.

i am a woman of extremes it seems.

Saturn Returns… I turn 29 on March 20th

My life has been in quite a transitional phase since I returned from Brazil. I have been trying to find the place where I feel the best, where I see the “most blue skies” if you will all the while trying to stay true to who I am now, not who I was. It is difficult to do so, when you look similar, you are back in the place where you have spent a lot of time, around old friends, but inside I have changed a lot… I have lived a life that words fail to describe accurately… even so the words I use to describe are relative to my experience, just as they are for everyone… its really all relative from my perspective…
I’ve been back in Yosemite staying with a dear friend who made it a point to pick me up from the airport when I landed back in the states, who has given me a place to stay and has shown me love and care in a way that I thought didn’t really exist in the world anymore. I feel very fortunate and lucky that I have had such a welcome and such a safe place to regroup.
In the past month I have been in a meditation training course in North Fork, California, one that is changing my life… taking what I had learned on the intellectual level to the experiential level and it is blowing me away. Learning that I am the Master of the Mind and I really do create everything in my world. Learning that everything arises and passes away and I cannot be attached to something that is so temporary as it is impersonal and constantly changing. I am actually returning in a few hours back to the Meditation Center to keep learning until I feel like I have this down, I will stay there, it is that important to me right now.
The topic of what sign are you seems to have come up a bit as of late and when I share that I am a Pisces that my birthday is on March 20th and that I am turning 29 the common response has been… ah… Saturn Returns… which I had never really heard of before, so I’ve had people explain it to me and it seems to totally make sense… Apparently, when one is born the planet Saturn is in line somewhere out there in the universe corresponding with your birth date and year. It takes give or take 27-30 years for Saturn to make its cycle back to the same place it was when one was born… and it becomes a time for rebirth… but at an adult stage, where one really finds where they are supposed to be… It becomes a time to rediscover what is important and rearrange life to fit this new self image…
So just as a quick recap… I fell in love and quit my job after 9 years when I was 27 and moved to Brazil… at 28 I realized that I wasn’t the person I was when I left to Brazil… then returned to the states at the end of last year… have been living mainly back in Yosemite where I lived and worked for five years feeling totally in between as I am very different from who I was when I was here last… now I am approaching 29, back in California where I am from, learning about my bodily sensations and will be meditating in North Fork (the exact center of California) on my birthday learning all about me… seems so appropriate…
I find it to be an interesting coincidence, or not, that most divorces happen amongst people who are 28-30 years old… just at the time that Saturn is returning…
If you are interested in learning more about this meditation training course, they call it a retreat, but it is not a relaxing kind of thing at all… check it out… its incredible… taking it from the intellectual level to the experiential level…
Wishing everyone health, love, happiness, peace and liberation!