I’ve let my job go. In part due to truly feeling like I need to have the flexibility to be available in case my family, including my in-laws who have experienced very ill health as of late, need me, and more specifically if they need my son, the golden sun, around to help brighten moods.

It was bittersweet. I know it’s been coming, and I truly do want flexibility, but I also liked that I did have a team of people I was working with and I enjoy the feeling of being productive. I learned a variety of different real estate based systems in a short amount of time and even wrote some Marketing AdCopy, which I definitely enjoyed doing.

My son has just gotten up from his nap and is standing next to me with his hand on my leg, asking for my attention, so I have to cut this short.

Now, comes the entrepreneurial phase and I’m totally open to this.

Everything Matters

The stance “Everything Matters” and “Nothing Matters” are actually a part of the same polarity. They are each the extreme end on the spectrum of what matters.

After sitting days on end in silent meditation I had come to the conclusion that nothing really mattered in my mind. However, even though in my mind I thought that, I still strove to do my very best in my interactions, I began an open and honest relationship with myself about my emotions, and started really taking better care of my body of what I consumed.

So if the spectrum of nothing matters and everything matters are on the same line, then I can in turn think about the fact that everything matters, as I do live with the underlying idea that indeed, everything that I do, think, say, feel, matters. For some reason though in my mind I defaulted to “nothing matters” even though my actions showed that “everything matters”.

Now that this thought has arisen in my reality again, I am choosing consciously to also align my mind with the thought that I have been practicing that Everything Matters. Everything I do matters. Everything I say matters. Everything I think matters. Everything I feel matters. Everything I am matters. Everything matters. This is how I change the world.

The Nostalgic Point of No Return

Recently I’ve been having a realisation that I am in a relationship with my family and we as a whole have relationships with other people, family units, and places.

There comes a point in a relationship, when after you have left it, there is a time when you can return and are able to make amends, things can patch back together. However, after that time, say 2 years, if you go back, it’s mostly due to nostalgia of what was, of who the other person was, of who you were, and none of it is based in what is really happening now in your reality. When returning to a place that has already passed its point of nostalgic no return, at first you’ll be fooled by your self of all the great things, you’ll see it all through rose coloured glasses and things will feel almost better than ever before. However, in a week, the reality starts to creep in. You’ll start noticing all the things that made you decide to leave in the first place. You’ll notice that the show of good behaviour fades away and the truth of the situation, of the people, surface showing a reality that you don’t really want to be a part of anymore.

Two years, is a major amount of time when your growth game is strong. In two years, you can grow apart something fierce and still have the nostalgia to make you think that’s what you want, but in moments of clarity you realise that’s exactly what it is. The old place is the old place that entertained the old you. It’s where you grew in that stage of life. It’s a fine place to visit, but you don’t live in nostalgia as it stunts your growth.

In two years, from leaving the lovely regional area where I met my husband, we have lived in suburbs outside of Australia’s most populous city, we have had a child together, our whole lives have shifted and we are well and truly different people than we were when we first moved here. How can we ever really go back to what was, because we are not that anymore, that place is not the same either, we have all changed. AND this is all okay.

The better option is to take what you’ve learned and move into the new version of you, of your family, and align it with a location that fits your aspirations best, based on who you are now and who you are becoming. A place that supports your growth, your overall well being and your direction in life. Along with that, all of the right players will come in, at the right time, to help along this path, because it is the right path to take. It will be easy, so easy that we’ll look back at how hard the other path has been to get back to and realise that it was because that other path was never the path we were really meant to travel down together, as a family. It’s heartbreaking and liberating at the same time.

Life is meant to be easy. Life is meant to be joyous and fun. Life is meant to have more laughter than tears. Life is meant to be shared. Life flows along when you are in the path that you are supposed to be in. When aligned with the truth, all things fall into place, it’s that simple, it’s what happens. I have experienced this time and time again in my own personal life. The only time it gets hard is when I am out of sync.

By releasing attachment to the old relationship, the old path, the former town where growth occurred, it gives space for the new opportunities to arise, and they will.

It’s a blessing that things change. I also know it’s a blessing to feel that now I get to change with my family, as a unit. We together get to manifest our new lives together. We together get to build our lives how we want them, letting go of any past expectations, letting go of anyone else’s version of life. We get to forge ahead together and have the blessed life we deserve. <3

Lottery Dreams

How many people get caught up in the dream of winning the lottery? Millions obviously since so much money is spent on them each day. It’s a slippery track. To think that one fell swoop will solve all the problems.

I honestly don’t think that my life would change that much if I won the lottery. I would just have more to give and my lifestyle would be better, but overall, I am still at the core who I am and that isn’t going to change.

The best way is to keep progressing, to keep working on projects, on life, and not put anything on hold in the hopes of winning the lottery. However, if I just start doing what I want if I did have that amount of money, then my life will transform into that anyway.

So for instance, if I want to have fresh healthy foods, then I will start my own garden. If I want to feel a bit of luxury, I will exchange the soft goods in my house so that they are of a better quality. If I want to feel more sophisticated in my clothes, I can either go out and buy something new, or I can do my best to create a dress myself with fabric that makes me feel good. If I am looking for more time to create, then I need to schedule it and ask someone else to watch bub while I do what I need. If I am looking to give back to others, then I need to create a program to help them, even if I don’t have the money to donate, I can offer a way to help their lives improve. All of this is within my reach. All of it. It’s only that winning the lottery would fast track it.

Also I really need to let go of the idea of buying the farm, it only frustrates me and that does nothing positive for my attitude nor my mental health right now due to the feeling of being so limited. I need to work through this and just accept that it’s not going to happen and move on to continuing with my own life that I have created with my own family.

What is Mine Will Always Be

In the same way that Marketing has moved from a Push, Push, Push environment where the company was pushing their product onto the consumer, to a Pull environment where the consumer is pulled to the product by clever communication strategies, life in general is appears to also hold that trend and truth.

I have total faith that what is mine will always be mine and this is the pull system. The life I want and will have will always be mine, it could only ever be mine. If I work on myself, find ways to improve and implement those changes, if I do my best to help others and serve and grow in that way, all of these changes lead to and make up my life. This is true for anyone, if you continue to put out your own energy of who you are and what you are here to do, then life will come to you! Life comes to me! All I have to do is hold true to who I am, be the best that I can be, and move forward with action to create the life I want, and it all happens.

When people tell me that so and so stole their partner from them, I internally question what was really going on for that to happen. What in their relationship went so sour that it got to that point? Furthermore, I don’t believe that anyone can ever be “stolen” from someone else. If they are yours, if they are the one you are meant to be, your love will endure, there will be no question, and that’s it. It has nothing to do with ownership over someone else, more to do with ownership of your self. Personal responsibility and taking ownership of the fact that you have a certain pull or attraction about your person, it’s your energy, your vibe, your way of being, this is what keeps your life the way it is.

As soon as you start changing your mind on things, start changing your life, your energy will change too, and it’s all okay. The things and people and places that were a part of your life before the change that are truly there and in accordance to the vibe you are giving off, will stay, and the ones that no longer jive will drop off, fade away and this is all okay.

What is mine will always be mine. What is yours will always be yours. When you feel that sense of competition, remember this, as nothing that is yours can be taken away, because it wasn’t yours in the first place, and that is okay.

Unlived Lives

I have long thought about the fact that I can only recognise in others, what already exists in myself. This is notable when I have any emotion arise based on my interaction with others, it’s because of how I feel about it, about them, which is something that I completely own.

Michael Rowland says that these shards of a personality are developed when you are growing up in situations where you weren’t accepted and supported for being a certain way or expressing certain emotions. This makes sense, as a way of coping in society and a way to fit into your immediate social environment. Well meaning relatives likely don’t realise that when they are making fun of a young person that they are impacting them in ways that they cannot fathom in that moment.

For instance, I was always made fun of when I would try to sing when I was younger. My dad in his humours way would say that “you can’t carry a tune, not even in a bucket”. He would say it jokingly and didn’t mean any harm, but by making me a butt of his joke, I took on the false notion that I cannot sing. When I was an adult and took singing lessons, I cried and cried during my very first one. I had so much fear around being able to sing that I froze up and just sobbed. Pretty serious. Thankfully I am not one to shy away from growth or things that I am afraid of, especially if there is no apparent reason, so I continued and it did get easier.

At that stage in life I had surrounded myself with very creative people who were up on stage singing and acting, two things I hadn’t really done in public before. They were living out my unlived life. Steven Pressfield talks about this in his book “The War of Art” and when I read it, I immediately translated it to the reflections that I have always known. How true it is and how often have I been in situations where I see my friends doing something and it sparks a thought inside of myself to either go closer or step away from them. It isn’t about doing what everyone else is doing, it’s just taking notice of what is going on and choosing my actions.

If all the unlived lives I have are around me right now, I would say that my husband in his powerful go-getter position in a forward thinking corporation, is definitely one. I support him and am so happy that he is happy doing it. I am also happy to not live out that kind of life first hand myself anymore. However, when we first met, he was a theatre guy and I did end up getting on stage and performing. I did live out that unlived life and it felt terrifying and strange and I am so glad I did it.

So now, I am just keeping an eye out to see who I am admiring, who I am looking up to, and what unlived lives I am yet to live.

Share My Merits

Lately when I have been meditating I have been creating a focus specifically about acting on ways where I can share my merits with others. I am keen to contribute to the growth and the support of others so that they can grow in beneficial ways and in ways that I can help.

Throughout my life I have had the opportunity of massive growth, of personal reincarnation again and again, of reinventing myself, of being the phoenix that rises from the ashes, of being my own hero on my own hero’s journey time and again. All of these evolutions, all of these insights, lessons, and developed awareness is ripe for the process of using it to help others. Absolutely ripe. I want to, I will, I must help others be their best selves too. It’s a constant process and I know it intimately.

When I was a little girl I would always end my prayers with “and please help me be the best person I can possibly be.” Now that I am an adult I have internalised that and now add to help me share my merits with others. So it shall be.

Creating a Tribe

Feeling connected is one thing that I know is essential in my life, and I am sure for almost all human beings. When I consciously connect and create community around me, I end up not just collecting people together, but creating a full on tribe. I’ve entered tribes in the past, I’ve helped form them, and currently my Sydney tribe is just so lovely full of mums and bubs where we all have each other’s backs and it feels great.

Feeling like I belong is highly important to my well being. I never fully fit in, hence why I usually end up forging my own groups, but sometimes it so nice to just be around others without actually doing anything with them.

For instance, studying with someone else nearby who is also studying, makes the process so much easier. Working on a project when someone else is also working on it, makes my focus much stronger. Recently I put a call out to the Lovely Ladies with Beautiful Babies asking if anyone just wanted to sit and watch me do the mundane task of organising my closet while our bubs played. I sent out the request on our group page the night before, and by the next afternoon I had a third of them rock up at my house in support! I love that, it made me feel so good, so supported, my tribe totally showed up!

Creating Family

I was just overcome with the amount of excitement and joy that I have about creating my own family. I never thought that this was in my future and now that it is, it brings tears to my eyes. I didn’t expect that I would start to feel this way, that I would really want to have my own family, my own children, my own husband, creating our world.

To essentially create my own tribe with the people I love the very most even if they aren’t born yet. I get to create our own little dip in the world, our own version of life. I get to share the love that I have, I get to experience their love, I get to expand into this amazing gift of life. It feels like the only real thing that matters right now, creating a loving space for my husband, myself, and our soon-to-be child, and possibly children.

This would not be happening had I not found and seized the moment with my husband. He is the most amazing person and it is with his love and support that I feel like this can happen, and that it is happening. I knew it really early on that he was the person I would spend my life with. I even slipped up and wrote that I knew he would be THE Great Love of my life, not A Great Love as I had intended when I started creating the card. It was so early on in our relationship, nearly three years ago when I wrote it and it’s completely turned out to be true.

This excitement of being able to create my own world with my husband feels so good. It’s hard to describe as I type, but I’m actually tearing up as I write this, it’s the kind of excitement that is so unknown, so deep, and so expansive. I feel blessed. I know I am going to make the most amazing mother. I know my husband is going to make the most amazing father. I know we will create the most amazing and loving family, and this makes me weep with joy.

I just never expected to feel this way. I was so utterly against having children and getting married when I was younger. I am so glad that I have experienced life in such way, that it has changed my perspective on this completely. I wouldn’t change a single thing of the past, no matter how tumultuous, no matter how disorienting it was at times, because it’s from this journey that I have come to this revelatory place. My life is only getting better and better and I am so thankful.

Ratha Yatra Hinduism Festival

My contact experience with Hinduism seems to be growing now in Western Sydney. Today we just happened to look up what was going on in the area and there just happened to be a Ratha Yatra festival happening nearby.

As soon as we parked and started walking towards the park where it was held, a parade processing was just starting! All the colours, the smiles, the dancing, happiness, symbols, drums, bagpipes, and chariots were enlivening! It was incredible! We were invited to dance along and be a part of the parade, which we did and danced in the streets for blocks and blocks! We helped pull the chariot along as part of the festival activities and I was overwhelmed with joy! It was all happiness, all good will, people holding hands, holding our hands, sharing in the event so freely!

Afterward there was a huge vegetarian feast completely free of charge and it was incredible! The thousand people or so all enjoyed the delicious homemade food while sitting in the park on this lovely sunny winters afternoon. It felt so good to be there and everyone genuinely looked like they were having a great time, the kiddos that were young, the teenagers, the adults, the young families, the elderly, it was incredible!

From the openness, the lack of judgement, the happiness, and good vibrations I’ve experienced at these Hinduism events, it certainly makes me feel very grateful that I no longer go to church and quietly sit in the pew hearing stories poured out like I did as a child and youth. Life is truly a celebration and I LOVED this experience today!