Month: May 2016

I Enjoy My Creativity

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I do thoroughly enjoy my creativity. It is something that makes me happy. Creating, in all ways, whether it is painting, writing, dancing, cooking, putting something together, I do take a lot of joy in it. In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert says that by truly enjoying your own creativity, you entice the muse, the inspiration to return again and again. I agree with this thought. It creates a space, a habit, a sankara, whereby every time I then go to create again, it happens in a joyous fashion. I did think for a quite some time that you needed to be a tortured artists in order to really dive in and feel the emotions to share them, but I don’t think that any more, and I am so freaking glad. I am so over the torment and tribulations that I have gone through which have created a depth of emotion, but really, I’m so over that.

Now, taking joy in whatever I am doing makes more sense, and feels better. This goes for everything! Everything I do with Joy and Ease and Grace. Yes, thank you, more please.

Writing as a Sexy Mistress

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“Treat your writing, your craft as a sexy mistress” Elizabeth Gilbert suggests in her book Big Magic. I love this idea. Get dressed up so that inspiration will come knocking on my door. Steal away moments with my sexy mistress late at night or for 15 minutes in the middle of the day because the opportunity has arisen.

Take to writing or painting or anything else that requires inspiration, to come forth with passion and vigour. Think about it like a passionate love affair, about being totally in love with it that you HAVE to do it, to be with it. What a romantic notion. I’ll take that, thank you.

Writing as Therapy

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Writing as a discovery process of myself naturally means that it is therapeutic to me. I am not certain how to discover more about myself and not see it that way. As I dive in deeper, as I explore who I am and naturally I become easier with myself.

When I am setting out to write, even these little thoughts bursts in the form of a blog post, it is for me. It has always been for me. I almost haven’t wanted anyone else to see it or read it, unless I share it, because I treat HonestThoughts.com as my online journal of sorts. It truly is a storage place of my thoughts, ideas, expressions, and personal explorations.

Now translating this process into writing something larger will be great therapy for me in many ways. When I go into detail about my NICU experience it will first and foremost really be for me. It will really be about me processing the whole ordeal so that I can gain some insight, distill it into myself, and then move on. I am certain that someone will get benefit out of it, and some won’t, and I’m not that concerned about the reception. Overall, it really is my own personal journey sharing what I’ve gone through in black and white so that it is done and out of my head and heart.

How wonderful is the process of going through ideas and experiences this way. I remember when I had returned from Brazil, I couldn’t not write, as in I HAD to write. I HAD to process my emotions and my experiences in some way and it had to be writing for me. I also did a lot of painting at that time which was nice, but the writing felt compulsory, and highly therapeutic for me. The difference is when i was writing about Brazil, I wasn’t thinking that it was just for me… I thought about it for others as well. Now that I’ve gained a bigger view, I see that it really is all about me helping myself via writing. If that isn’t as self-help as it gets I’m not sure what is.

Adding Humour to Trauma

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Writing a survival guide to the NICU has been on my mind for over a year now. I accept that I haven’t done it yet. I do think that it will help other women going through a similar experience if I can shed some light, and specifically some humour to the situation.

There in lies the challenge, how to add humour to what is normally quite a traumatic event? Not just an event, but a full experience that usually lasts weeks to months in duration.

I have read a few books from very funny women including Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and one currently from Ann Handley and I appreciate when a little chuckle is thrown in. It allows the topic to be discussed that needs to be, without all the heaviness that can usually accompany it. I know I can write with compassion, and now I want to add humour to that mix.

How to do it… how to add humour to a traumatic experience when writing about it. Is it something that happens in the editing process? That would great. I just let whatever needs to come up, come up and out, and then in the editing process, then go back over it and add some humour, some more wit, and spruce it up.

That will be my plan of attack. Ready, set, go!

Training the Mind

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In the current series of visualisations I’m doing via Headspace, creativity is the focus. The idea is to create a light, bright, warm, expansive state in the mind and to feel comfortable in that. It starts with visualising a creative spark where I can feel my breath and then it grows to encompass my body, the room, our house, our neighbourhood, the state, the country, the globe, and into the universe. It’s beautiful. It feels great.

It is mentioned how great ideas and problem solving happens when our mind is relaxed but still alert. This is where big thoughts happen in the shower, or out for a walk, or while eating a blueberry pie. That last reference is from a film I watched years ago where the protagonist was suggested to stop and eat a slice of pie so the answer would come to him, and of course it did.

It’s funny how when we try to chase an idea down with the mind, it’s almost like chasing a rabbit, you get closer and closer and then you can sometimes catch it, but other times you just exhaust yourself in trying to find the way to catch it rather than actually catching it and working with it from there. The other option is that to quietly hold out a carrot or piece of alfalfa and watch the rabbit come to you. Drawing the rabbit in, drawing the idea in and giving it a safe space is really effective. Training my mind in this way gives me the “pull” factor, the attraction factor that I am looking for to create a space for ideas, solutions, dreams, and plans to form safely in big bright ways.

As an earnest student, I am taking this in and getting excited about the possibilities of what it means and how to apply it. During the day I am incredibly more present, and I can feel that expansion and calmness with me. I love that there can be the wonderful “AND” involved in life. I love that I can seek to be energised and calm, relaxed and alert, loving and strong, rich and ethical. This is my new realm of being, including the AND in my life with an expansive, bright, clear mind that helps me to best share my merits with others through creative problem solving and solutions.

Divine Intervention Anniversary

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Today is the 6 year anniversary of my Divine Intervention, a la head-on-collision that I experienced soon after arriving to Australia. Six years. Wow. What a life changing event that was and I am so completely and utterly grateful. Talk about silver linings! Since then, I have found the absolute love of my life, gotten married, created an amazing child, graduated from University, and grown in countless ways that have helped me to evolve into a really well rounded woman and human being.

So grateful. You never know how it all goes together, until looking back at your life, it does all connect, and it does all happen on purpose.

I am so lucky.

Mother’s Group Blessing

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Consistently I am so grateful for the Mother’s Group that I am a part of. I initiated it, and I really did set the tone for us with our first at home mother’s group, but it is only the way it is because of the beautiful women who are a part of it. Our babies have all been growing along side us and it’s been a joy to share this journey together.

Now that our bubs are pretty much all walking, they are so interactive. To see them taking turns, more or less, with toys and just doing their own thing too is incredible. The process of our babies developing has helped us all to evolve into these women who are really good mothers. It’s such a blessing and I am thankful all the time for our Mother’s Group. I wish that every new mum had a group that she could share with and rely on like i have.

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Block of Units

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Owning a block of units is the way to go. All of your tenants and responsibilities are in the same area, making it easier to visit, easier to maintain, and easier for marketing. Just casually looking I found a block of units that returns about 16% per annum, located in the Northern Rivers. How great is that. For eight hundred thousand I can buy a return of fifty thousand a year. I want this or something even better! Now… I just need the money to buy it in the first place to get me on my way!

Morning Meditation

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How sweet is a morning meditation upon waking up. How lovely it is. It truly feels like a sweet start to the day. I’ve been meditating with the Headspace App and have really been enjoying it. I have even gone so far as to buy a year long subscription because I see the value it has and has added to my life.

Starting out the day with clarity of mind and thought, is a massive improvement of waking up and just scrambling to get ready. For me it usually involves having to quickly get up because the baby is in need of attention in the other room. The baby doesn’t wake up gently and quietly. Rather he wakes up with a full force of why are you leaving me in here, come get me now! That can be a jarring morning experience one that sets the day on high alert, and a bit of grogginess.

On days where I wake up naturally before baby wakes up, and have the time to stretch and meditate, the day is exponentially better. I feel ready, prepared, and very clear, it’s wonderful and a remarkable difference.

The key is when doing a morning meditation, that I’ve just woken up from a night of dreams, and it is so easy to slip into the meditative state because my mind hasn’t already been filled with the trappings of the day. I haven’t talked to anyone, I haven’t emailed, or read anything, I just go right back into my own mind and body, it’s beautiful, and easy.

When sitting a course at Vipassana Centres, every morning I would wake and meditate immediately. It was a part of the routine. I would literally realise I was awake and then promptly sit up in my bed right there, and close my eyes, focus on my breath and start my meditation practice. After my own personal meditation, then I would go to the hall or to my own meditation cell and continue my practice. All of this well before breakfast time. I could get in a good couple of hours first thing in the morning this way.

The whole purpose of sitting for meditation at a centre like that is so that there are no distractions so the meditator can solely focus on their practice. The reality of being at home and being a house person rather than say a monk, is that life is so much more complex, and I accept that. Having a little slice of morning meditation before getting into the day, feels like luxury to me and I’ll take more of that please.

Open to Money

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It’s interesting to think about the relationship between money and my self. I grew up without having much around and had to rely on the government for basic living expenses via my parents. I didn’t really learn how to handle money or anything about money really other than that you need it to buy groceries and food and to put gas into the car. As I’ve grown in age, I’ve also grown with experiences with money. We have had an on again off again relationship, rocky at times, super high and incredible at others, and now it’s steadily a third party relationship. All of my needs are met, but I don’t earn any money specifically on my own. I have a job that is generally very undervalued in society because it doesn’t bring in money, but it absolutely essential to the growth of said society, as I have chosen to stay with my baby as his primary caretaker while my husband is the sole monetary provider. Right now in our lives, this works and we make it.

Lately though, I have been thinking about how I envision that I will have 50 million dollars by the time I am 45, within the next 9 years. I think that’s a big amount, but on the other hand, it’s not that big at all in comparison to a lot of wealth out there. For me, from this moment right now, it feels like a lot. I think about how money buys opportunity, and how when I have a lot of money I will be generous and put my money where my mouth is and make a positive contribution with it. I actually don’t envision my life itself being all that different, strangely. I imagine that we’ll live in a nicer house in a nicer neighbourhood, or in the country side. I imagine that we’ll probably have a regular housekeeper like we have had in the past in moments. I imagine that we’ll probably eat well, as in healthy fresh foods, regularly. I imagine that I’ll take classes and expand my education, that we will travel, and life will be similar but a little different than it is right now. The thing is that I am still the same person, with a lot of money, or not. I am still me, my values will not change. I will still strive to develop myself as I do. I will still create art, I will keep writing, I will continue living my life in a full expression like I am now. Sure there will be some changes, but fundamentally I will be the same.

I welcome it into my life now. I wouldn’t have known how to handle it earlier in my life, and now I am ready. I am totally open to living the experience of having more opportunities, and being a donor of money to many causes, and philanthropies. I look forward to seeing the world and soaking up culture via more travel. I look forward to living my full expression including with the luxury style experiences I’ve had in bits and moments, as my regular life. I am ready. I am ready to do this with my husband and our child, from today on. I am ready and that feels incredible.