The Spiral Continues

the spiral continues

the pendulum swings

i’m back here in the desert

where i learned to use my wings

happy to be back

in this space once again

the feeling is what spurred

my traveling trend

traveling of heart

traveling of mind

trying my best to understand time.

i’m back here now

feeling it all again

even my hair looks the same

as it did back when

i’m different now

yet it still takes all that it can

it doesn’t leave what it doesn’t want

it just takes and takes and takes

its relentless

survival mode comes into play

the important things are the focus

in the dry long days

like health, true health.

like prosperity that is surely relative

but here anything more than what is here

seems to fit that bill

as simple as water, oh yes, water.

water, life, prosperity

sucking, taking i can feel it

this time around its more intense than before

a feeling that makes me want to run

run right out the door

back to the mountains

where life abounds

back to where life is

where easy people can be found.

the spiral, three times thus far

lucky i am to experience this too

lucky i am to know i can make it through…

Release, Decompress

Lots of input

an overload

needing an overhaul

time to decompress

what better place

than where the ol’ coyote howls

the cactus bloom

and the bats fly at night.

the desert

where everything is taken

so appropriate

such a place to release

to review and gain insight

upon myself

upon my journey

upon this life

baring my soul

once again

there is no place to hide.

The light, Oh the light

The light, oh the light

dancing through the canopy

from daybreak through twilight

amazing it is

everywhere you look

something new to see

a new perspective on the same thing.

nature’s ever changing beauty

is apparent in each moment

an evolving landscape

with time to enjoy it.

brightly colored petals

veins in the leaves

highlighted climbers

and moss on the trees

taking your attention

where she pleases-

a delight for all the right reasons

growing, living, dying

in each season.

A Time for Reflection

its amazing how in the desert

with such a lack

the reflection seems to be so clear

so in your face

no looking around it

not a chance

no distractions here

you are here with you

i am here with me

thats all there is

time for reflection

uninterrupted

without distraction

time for reflection

in a drought ridden land

something from the outside

one would never guess

unless one is within…

Return to the Desert

back in the desert

only for a moment

long enough to understand

theres more for my life

than just this

cracked and drying

taking all i have

without even trying

im a water baby

i can survive for a while

but it shouldn’t be just about survival

wheres the fun in that?

where the life in abundance?

wheres the joy to be had?

back in the desert

a voluntary move

one to cleanse and ground

the restless bird in my soul

just for a moment

yes indeed

just for a moment

surely all the time i will need

Enchanting North Caroline

digging my feet in the moist mountain dirt

while climbing from the river

up to the grove hand over hand on a rope

approaching three large mushrooms

an ants view looking up their skirt

like alice in wonderland

or some fairytale told to children

but it does exist…

a real live fern gully

of magical nature escapes

all found in a different reality

in the temperate rain forest

in the great smokies

of beautiful and enchanting

western north caroline

feminine and free

with easy careless days

and peaceful nights fireside

where everything seems to bloom

quickly, vibrant and withers

a dancing and constantly evolving landscape

where large cranes still perch

and at dusk play the fireflies

Creating Moments and Sharing Life

Creating moments and sharing life. That is what its about to me lately. Sharing in all ways that one can. Sharing the happiness that is created. Sharing the love. Creating memories to store in one’s heart and mind’s eye for another time. To build upon each day making each one better than the last, but not comparing them.

I know I am a social being, this is absolutely no doubt and I have been thoroughly blessed to have had a very full life thus far sharing happiness while living the human experience!

Memories of Nana

My grandmother, the one I lived with the majority of my youth, just passed away. I wrote something to be shared with family and friends at the funeral chapel… here it is: 

 

I thought it’d be appropriate if I wrote this down as at times I can be a bit emotional… 

My memories are infused with pleasant images and moments with Nana and I’d like to share a few….

like picking sun ripened tomatoes from her tomato patch

shelling peas and walnuts by hand for hours on end

making homemade fig newtons and molasses cookies in the kitchen 

sitting in suspense during the last half hour of Murder She Wrote

listening to her say her nightly prayers as she knelt down in her bedroom

smelling the perfume she wore with her best Sunday dress, broach and high heels

learning about painting happy little clouds and nature scenes from Bob Ross next to her

singing along while standing in her regular pew at church

walking, speed walking mind you, down the country block as she stressed that I needed to always maintain good posture with my shoulders back, chest and head up

cutting oranges and toasting Roman Meal bread along side her for breakfast

I distinctly recall when I was young, probably 8 or 9 years old, I was crying, worried about death, scared that she would die someday, that I would die someday. She assured me as I knelt by her chair with her loving hand on my shoulder that I needn’t be afraid, that God had a plan and suggested I seek the pastor for guidance. 

I am who I am today because of the experiences and influences of my family and am so fortunate to have lived with Nana for so many years. Even when I’ve been away, she’s always been with me and will continue to always be a part of me. I’ll always cherish those special moments and smile with my heart when I think of her. She was such a generous, kind, dedicated, firm, hardworking, loyal, compassionate and loving woman who has positively impacted our world. Thank you Nana.

Saturn Returns… I turn 29 on March 20th

My life has been in quite a transitional phase since I returned from Brazil. I have been trying to find the place where I feel the best, where I see the “most blue skies” if you will all the while trying to stay true to who I am now, not who I was. It is difficult to do so, when you look similar, you are back in the place where you have spent a lot of time, around old friends, but inside I have changed a lot… I have lived a life that words fail to describe accurately… even so the words I use to describe are relative to my experience, just as they are for everyone… its really all relative from my perspective…
I’ve been back in Yosemite staying with a dear friend who made it a point to pick me up from the airport when I landed back in the states, who has given me a place to stay and has shown me love and care in a way that I thought didn’t really exist in the world anymore. I feel very fortunate and lucky that I have had such a welcome and such a safe place to regroup.
In the past month I have been in a meditation training course in North Fork, California, one that is changing my life… taking what I had learned on the intellectual level to the experiential level and it is blowing me away. Learning that I am the Master of the Mind and I really do create everything in my world. Learning that everything arises and passes away and I cannot be attached to something that is so temporary as it is impersonal and constantly changing. I am actually returning in a few hours back to the Meditation Center to keep learning until I feel like I have this down, I will stay there, it is that important to me right now.
The topic of what sign are you seems to have come up a bit as of late and when I share that I am a Pisces that my birthday is on March 20th and that I am turning 29 the common response has been… ah… Saturn Returns… which I had never really heard of before, so I’ve had people explain it to me and it seems to totally make sense… Apparently, when one is born the planet Saturn is in line somewhere out there in the universe corresponding with your birth date and year. It takes give or take 27-30 years for Saturn to make its cycle back to the same place it was when one was born… and it becomes a time for rebirth… but at an adult stage, where one really finds where they are supposed to be… It becomes a time to rediscover what is important and rearrange life to fit this new self image…
So just as a quick recap… I fell in love and quit my job after 9 years when I was 27 and moved to Brazil… at 28 I realized that I wasn’t the person I was when I left to Brazil… then returned to the states at the end of last year… have been living mainly back in Yosemite where I lived and worked for five years feeling totally in between as I am very different from who I was when I was here last… now I am approaching 29, back in California where I am from, learning about my bodily sensations and will be meditating in North Fork (the exact center of California) on my birthday learning all about me… seems so appropriate…
I find it to be an interesting coincidence, or not, that most divorces happen amongst people who are 28-30 years old… just at the time that Saturn is returning…
If you are interested in learning more about this meditation training course, they call it a retreat, but it is not a relaxing kind of thing at all… check it out… dhamma.org its incredible… taking it from the intellectual level to the experiential level…
Wishing everyone health, love, happiness, peace and liberation!
jennifer.