My Personal Quest

I really want to know what things are about. I want to know what love is about. I want to know what life is about. I want to know where I fit into the bigger picture. I want to know about spirituality. I want to learn as much as I can about everything that peaks my interest. I want it all.

Can I have it all? I am not sure, but I am sure trying. That is all I can do. I don’t know much about love but I am sure trying to figure it out. I don’t know much about life, but I am sure doing my best to live. I don’t know where I really fit in, but I am trying out different situations to find folks that are more like me than not. I don’t know much about spirituality, but I try to listen to my inner voice as often as I can. I know a little bit about a lot of things so far, but every time something new interests me I try to take the time to learn more than I know now.

I want it all… love, life, happiness, health, light and knowledge. I want to experience everything that I possibly can. I want to know about me in this process. I want to know about others in this process. I want to know. I just don’t know much yet. In fact, sometimes I think I don’t know anything at all. But I do know one thing… I can certainly say that I have been doing my best to find what I am looking for. I just wish sometimes it were easier to know exactly what it is that I am looking for.

Blind, but Starting to See…

I remember back when I was a freshman in high school, some 14 years ago now, talking to a guy friend telling him that I wished everyone were blind. I wished that we were forced to only look into each others hearts to make decisions on who we chose around us. That we would choose only the highest quality people for who they were on the inside not how they appeared to be on the outside.

 

My first music festival in 2005, Vegoose, was a turning point in my life. I went originally to see Jack Johnson whom I had been listening for a few years, but had no idea what to expect. It was a brilliant mix of artists, some who I had heard of before, but most that I had not. I liked the beat and the feel of the festival and that scene so much that I really started to get into it. I didn’t really know what it all meant, but I was loving it.

 

Sometime in 2006 I remember a friend posing a question to me… If I had the choice to be blind or deaf, which would I choose? I immediately said that I would choose to be blind, thinking back of my youthful wish. I was still so much into music and moving my body to the beat that I couldn’t imagine not being able to experience it. Along with that, if I were blind then I would be forced to solely rely on my intuition to lead me in the right direction.

 

Then came a huge physical turn in my life… I moved to Brazil. I heard people all the time singing along to songs and not knowing the words and I realized that I also, didn’t really know either. I began on a personal mission to look up lyrics of my favorite songs. This has been so revealing. I didn’t know the lyrics and I certainly didn’t know the meaning of the words that my favorite artists sang. This lead me to start looking up the artists themselves. It inspired me to learn about history so that I could understand the climate of the world and the US at the time the artist grew up and when they wrote the lyrics. I wanted to know why they chose the words that they chose to sing about. I wanted to know why they chose to sing about those topics. I didn’t understand, but I really wanted to so I just started to try. I was blind in another way, for so long.

 

I still don’t know if I really see, but I am beginning to and that makes me feel good. I can only try to do my best in any given circumstance while striving for truth and honesty in every situation.

Good People

All night I thought about the good hearted people in my life that have helped to shape who I am today. They have helped me to see my world as my world, with endless possibilities. As long as every endeavor is started with honesty, love and kindness then it will work out the way that it is supposed to. It is supposed to work out well, really well. That is what happens when you do approach your life and your decisions with a stong passionate heart, patience and an inquisitive mind.

In a way, when I stepped out of that world that I had surrounded myself in and enveloped myself in a completely different world, I wasn’t ready. I thought that everyone was essentially good with good intentions. That hasn’t always been the case while I have been living abroad. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but on the same note, I know understand those good hearted people that I have come in contact with along my path of life on a completely different level now. I am so grateful that my eyes have opened to this. I am so grateful that I have been so blessed in life to have had the experiences that I have had. My adventures will only get better from here now that my eyes that can see a bit better from my heart than they did before.

Blessed

Lately in life I have been feeling extremely blessed. I have had such a great life. I have been on a big life adventure in some of the most mystical and special places. Along the way I have come in contact with the most incredible, honest, good-hearted people that have helped to shape my world today. I am so fortunate that my journey has lead me to who I am at 28 years aged. Although I have danced in the rain, literally and figuratively countless times, It hasn’t always been so carefree. It hasn’t always been while standing on a mountain top, in fact I have seen a few deserts, I have trusted people who didn’t understand what that meant. I didn’t know really what that meant either, I hope I do now.

There is this thing, some idea that got into my head when I was young, that I would not make it past my 27th birthday… I think I knew secretly that I would die or something bizarre would happen. Well, I didn’t die, and I am thankful, however, from about that point to where I am today has been the most revealing and inwardly-focused time of my life. Its a little overwhelming to think of at times, but I have been tested to see where I stand on my morals and how much I really practice my values.

I want to share what I have learned about life so far with everyone in my world. I want to keep it going and develop this into something bigger, something more powerful and good. To help spread the positive loving energy to others so that we can really change our world to be how we want it to be, we just have to do it. I will continue on this endless search for the truth and hope that I have gained enough knowledge to understand it. My blessed journey continues.

Looking out the Window

Eyes are the windows to our souls. Our viewpoint, our window shapes our reality… and every has a unique and individual window… we never really know if we even see the same color… it is all relative… everything is relative… relative to our reality and what we hold to be the truth.

So open your window, see whats out there… try to take it all in before the glass gets too old and you have to rely on your memory or your mind’s eye for moments.