Full
Full of the son
Full of the light
If I were a cup I’d be at the brim
yet
I’m only at 26 weeks.
How much more can I inflate?
stretch?
I see him moving
regularly
protruding in my belly
cliffs are formed
waves are created
and then silence.
Incredibly Full
my body is
a house for another
for a new soul
for the emerging sun.
Incredibly full
until my cup
my body
filleth over.
14 more weeks
of feeling
of learning what I can take
of gestating this being
of using my body fully.
For so much of my life I have been rather yang, strong, masculine, directed. Even when I haven’t been attached to a corporate job, I’ve taken on my life like it’s been a serious role. I have been incredibly direct, ambitious, hard headed, and overt. I had a challenging childhood which is actually classified as being traumatic, and I’ve come to peace with it. Thankfully I have been hard like this because I needed to be in order to do things differently from the life I had been born into.
Now that I am pregnant and expecting my first child later this year, the more feminine side of me, the yin, the softer, gentler, more subtle aspects of me are starting to emerge. Starting may be an understatement because there are days where it feels more like a crashing tide of change where the feminine is taking the space. I have never felt more beautiful, or more like a woman, or more like this incredibly powerful being as I do right now.
I can only imagine that this gets stronger as I get closer to giving birth, and even moreso after I actually am caring for this child that has been created out of love. Having experienced what it’s like to be very yang, and now embracing the yin and the feminine side of who I am, I know this will equip me to the best and whole person, mother, partner, citizen, being that I can possibly be. I recall that when I was younger my prayers always ended with “and please help me to be the best person I can possibly be”. Having that thought, coupled with the action I have taken in my life to accomplish this and it’s all happening. I am that.
The feminine energy is so lovely too. When my husband and I were first dating I told him very clearly (in a super yang way) that I needed him to hold the masculine space because I needed to hold the feminine space. I knew I needed it, and that was the first time where I actually voiced it so clearly. What a blessing that I was able to recognise that. By having my husband hold that yang space, it allowed me to develop my own yin, feminine space and because of this we have both benefited greatly by becoming our whole selves.
I am going to be an amazing mother. I am an amazing wife and partner. We will create such an amazing and creative family and I am thrilled to be on this journey. I embrace the feminine with who I am and allow it to help me grow in ways that I haven’t yet experienced, for the good of all.
This feels wildly inappropriate for me to share outside of with my husband but I’m doing it anyway. The baby that is growing inside of me (at 21 weeks now) is sitting very very low. So low that it feels like he is constantly tap dancing on my bladder. This baby is definitely a mover and shaker and is constantly on the go, already, full of energy and activity.
Recently in the last few days, the tap dancing, has been the feeling that I get when my g-spot is being stimulated! I’ll be sitting having a conversation and all of a sudden get the feeling like I’ve just been flicked constantly in a spot that is typically all about pleasure! Today I was walking through the grocery store and it was wild! Let me be clear that it isn’t like concentrated, rhythmic rubbing of the special spot, but like flicks, which must be kicks or kung fu fighting moves being practiced inside here!
Since I am clearly aware that all things in life change and that is the nature of our existence, I am just trying to enjoy it while it is like this. My husband and I made the most of it today and all I can say is that maybe this little guy is like a wingman at the moment.
Yes, totally and completely inappropriate, but it’s what it is!
The Aphrodite Archetype I completely resonate with. I am strong yet uber feminine. I dive deep into relationships and give my all to the moment until it’s done. Sensuality is one of the divine gifts of the physical world and I enjoy colours, flavours, textures and touch as part of my “must have”. I take great care of my self and my body, I take the time to enhance my feminine nature and my features by choosing clothing that suits me and works well with my curvaceous figure.
Aphrodite was able to inspire change in those she spent time with and I do the same. I consistently am in a process of continual rebirth and blending my feminine and masculine aspects to create an incredible whole. I am highly creative and love to express myself in every aspect that I can whether it be by painting, drawing, speaking, dressing, creating a meal, in every way I express my creative energy.
I feel very blessed to resonate with the Aphrodite archetype. I am a very strong woman and appreciate that I can gain insight and inspiration from such a tremendous Goddess!
Time to embrace
my god given gift
the all mighty
power of femininity.
my body
my curves
my scent
my vessel
housing my soul.
blessing it is
hard to express
in a conservative society
like the one that exists.
so much more than just flesh
a truth i am starting to understand
something to explore
not to be afraid of
or to feel any shame from
embracing my femininity
at the eve of thirty
in this rebirth i shall
be one with it in all ways i can.
I always take the guilt,
I always take the blame,
and yet its me to blow out the flame.
I try my best up to a point
while I watch you light a joint
by this time I am already done
I’m tired of battling and you’ve just begun
then comes the time to plea and bargain
but I’m not up for sale, this isn’t an auction.
I give more chances than I ever should
I look past it all and try to see the good
I know you’re smart and that you’ve understood
then starts the “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,”
when all I want is to be free of any falsehoods.
I never understand when you act so hurt
after hearing and seeing all of the signs of alert
I prefer the mountains but can handle the desert
but I’m a water baby and won’t convert.
So let me be free
let me swim as I please
let me buzz around with the honey bees
reaping life’s bounties
smelling the field of daisies
where I wont be made fun of for driving like its sunday
as it is my mode of life to get lost and enjoy the day
so if you can be a bit carefree, please stay
and if not don’t be hurt when I go my own way.
i met a gal
and showed her how
I frame my window
to see the world
with clear glass panes
seeing the light of the sun
explaining that it will rain
and suggested she try to reframe.
she smiled and said
she felt good around me
and would try as well
to turn that key.
my other friend said
my presence is intoxicating
that its so different when I’m around.
i said i will never know
what its like when I’m not in tow
i only know what i know
and i only know how to be me…
Last night I spoke with a long time girl friend that I have known for a good 14 years… Life has taken us in different directions yet we still seem to have similar trials… I found myself telling her all of the things that I know I should adhere to as well. About being good to yourself, about making sure that you are healthy before extending your self to another person. About taking the time to stand on your own, to learn about your own soul, develop your thoughts on your own, to be strong and aware of who you are, without relying on a man to fill in the gaps. About the glory of being a woman and how it is essential to not take the freedom we have in our generation, here in America, for granted. That life is full of endless possibilities and there are so many options available at any given time. To not worry too much about trying to compromise or adjust within a relationship if there are fundamental differences that just don’t jive. To not focus too much on the future and just focus on what is happening right now. To surround your self with positive energy in your best environment where you feel the most love. To listen to the inner voice as there is always a reason when you hear it. Most importantly to keep striving for honesty in both mind and heart as good will be inevitable. Great love will come but only after Great love is found within your own soul…
The beauty about interacting with others is that you are able to have a conversation. Specifically when you are surrounding yourself with those who are worthwhile, that have attributes that compliment yours so you can continue to learn and vice versa. To be able to flow in a conversation about love and life and being is very special… to share a part of you, right now, with another is absolute love.
I am so blessed to have such incredible women in my life. They are beautiful souls that I learn and grown with each time we interact. Just writing this brings such warmth and love for them, my self and life.