Heaviness Before Change

Heaviness upon my chest

heaviness upon my heart

slow breath

worry in my head

change is coming.

This feeling is familiar

it comes every time

just before the door opens

the door that I’ve been wanting

it’s all as I have scripted

and yet

I feel the weight of my world.

Is this how the caterpillar feels?

Is this how the fetus feels?

That feeling of being in the tunnel

seeing the small light

knowing it will only get bigger

and envelope me

changing my perspective

changing how I operate

changing how I see the world

changing how I interact.

That heavy feeling is with me.

The Au Pair starts tomorrow.

Baby is coming up to 16 months.

A huge adjustment for me

no longer the 2 hours a day I get to myself

to eat, shower, and clean up

I will not cling to this old way of being

it is time for me to emerge into the next stage

of who I am

of who I will be

of who I am evolving into.

Until then I sit with this heaviness

and thank it

for I know

major change

is happening