Really I feel like I am in a space where I need to just be happy that I am a full time mum and carer of a beautifully intelligent little boy. The truth is that I feel like I am in a slump. I feel like I need a change, like a big holiday away, or overall changing up the scene I’m in, or leaving it altogether with my family of course. Since I’ve been sick for the last week and half it certainly has not helped anything. Topping it off that bub is also sick which means that I’ve had to not really rest myself because I have to make sure my baby is okay. I understand that this is how it goes being a mum.
It just makes me feel a bit overwhelmed and with a thirst for doing something more. When I am healthy again I’ll be returning to the gym and having my son in the kids care area for two hours at a time, and that will help, to get out of my head and into my body. Hopefully clarity will come with sweat and time alone.
I guess that’s it, I don’t have the freedom to just go out and do what I want right now because I chose to be a mom and a full time stay at home one at that. It’s strange because I also want that, but I want freedom too. I want both and I am not balancing it very well right now. It’s like my own ambitions and self care are on a back seat. By self care, I don’t just mean body work and grooming, I mean like spending time alone just being creative not just at home, and not just during nap times because at that moment I just want to rest. Again, all of this is inflamed because I am sick and have been for a week. I know that, I see that, I feel it too.
Also financially things have been very tight this year, even though we did make a trip overseas, our day to day life is limited to an extent of doing more things because there isn’t money to do it. I can’t help but notice a big part of that is that we have another person to look after plus only one income. I get it. I just don’t know how to balance it all out yet.