Internal Storm

Sometimes I get into this funk, where the storm comes, I feel emotional, raw, and slightly bitter. I feel like I am doing what I ought to be doing and for some reason life isn’t going my way. This doesn’t happen all too often but when it does, it really sucks. I feel like right now I may be in that.

So if I were talking to a friend, I would ask them how they are supporting and nurturing themselves when they aren’t feeling supported and nurtured by the universe. I would ask what they are doing to bring joy, are they sleeping enough, are they eating well? Have they found ways to laugh and stop in wonder of nature? Have they talked it out, vented, expressed this in some way so they can move through it? For me personally I have felt the lack of support and over giving from me to others in a big way, and even found a tick on my face this morning, a sure sign from the universe that I am giving more than I am receiving.

If I ask myself all of these things, I realise that i am not sleeping enough, I do not feel supported and I am in need of personal support myself. I need to have some body work, some time alone to nurture my creativity. I need to have some time by my self, alone to just be in my own energy. I need to find ways to laugh, by watching a comedy, or listening to stand up. I need to focus on the positive of my situation and really reach for the appreciation and gratitude of what is going on right now in my life. These are all things I need to do to restore my own personal balance. I need help and support to do these, so I must ask for that help. When I feel depleted, it doesn’t help anyone.

So by focusing on these things, I know it will create a change in my attitude, and I will return to my natural sunny disposition. This is my goal. This will be my way.

Mum and Bub Group

I am so amazingly grateful for the Mother’s Group that I’ve dubbed the “Lovely Ladies with New Babies” that I have here in Western Sydney. We meet every week and we just hang out, commiserate, share, and just are there. If all relationships are just a matter of being there for someone when they need then I truly do have ea relationship with these women. We laugh and cry together, we are vulnerable and able to really support one another. Having a new bub can be isolating, it’s hard work and it’s non-stop.

Today we all went out for a movie together and we rolled in like 10 prams deep and it was great! I felt more energy while out today than I have in a very very long time and it felt wonderful. I love having friends. I love that they are all in the same boat right now with bubs who also cry, poop, decide not to sleep, who grow out of clothes quickly, who know what it’s like to be in this situation right now. It’s truly a blessing.

New Memories

Recently I’ve come to specifically replace a newer better image in my mind’s eye with something not so pleasant that I have seen recently. With the bombardment with the media flashing sensationalised images, scenes and stories at us all the time, there are moments where despite my avoidance of the news, that somehow it comes into my peripheral reality.

For instance, I saw an image of a child that had not been treated well when I was reading another news related article on parenting. I did not come to that site for the bad image, nor was that the topic of what I was reading, but it was in the sidebar of suggested articles to read. It was disturbing enough that I thought about that image constantly over the next few days.

Then came a moment where I said to myself that enough is enough and I need to do something to change this. So, I started to imagine a healthy, happy and smiling child as a replacement. The image of a bright and beautiful child who has been well taken care of and obviously loved. This image of love and health is now becoming the dominate image in my mind when it is pulled up in my memory.

It is taking conscious effort to create this change in my mind. At first there was a delay and it felt hard to superimpose this image onto. However, after doing it again and again, it now is almost automatic. Eventually in my minds eye, the loving image will prevail.

I know that I can do this with stories, but this is the first time I’ve consciously done it with an image. I know the power of it and I know there is room for deep healing in this process. It isn’t about sweeping a bad image under the rug, but it is about being aware that in my world, I get to choose what stays in it and how it stays. I am responsible for my subconscious and I am responsible for how I operate in this world. I know that I am sensitive, so if I employ these tactics, it will indeed help me to acknowledge that the other exists, but to still walk in the light.

Red Rubies

Drawn in by red-

a sudden need to have it in my life again

red hair

red bag

red ruby jewelry

power and connection to my source

utilizing the energy to revitalize and reenergize my soul

like a bull in the coliseum it fills me with fire

I feel the noble wisdom emanating from my heart

like a guardian angel helping me to change

holding my hand protecting me as I transform and shift frames

it lifts me up – encourages me

and reminds me to “Follow My Bliss”

the red, the rubies hekp me to see in the dark

showing a clearer path absent of resistance

i was an am a love being and I remmeber this truth.

I choose my life with eyes of love

and strength from the Divine to chart and venture onto my path

I am precious, rare and beautiful.

I love life and it loves me tremendously.

Spiritual wisdom, Knowledge, Health, Wealth, Bliss, Transition, Change, Choices

Heart Shaped Mold

stormclouds

pouring rain

thunder then lightning

an electric shock

shattering the pitcher

into thousands of glass slivers

causing me to bleed

as i finger swept

into shapes upon the floor

they punctured through

piercing my heart

cutting to my soul.

the wind kicked up

debris and dust

swirled and twisted

into an oklahoma dirt devil

casting teardrops into mud

the storm kept raging

a calm set in

enveloped in teh eye

the center

where the sun shines down

and light is found

the caked mud dried

was carried away

with a gentle breeze

little birds sang in harmony

while gathering the picture pieces

in a pile under the sun

in the encompassing warmth

they glistened and liquified

overflowing from my hands

into a heart shaped mold

the glass heart strung around my neck

worn on the outside

it hung

until one day

my new transparent heart

and i became one

from that day forward

it catches the light rays

shining bright like a star

shooting from deep inside

from shattered glass

to inner beauty

reshaped from the past

A Beautiful Reflection

looking over at his smiling eyes

a reflection of me

as the sun says goodbye

perched in the meadow

listening to the aspen

a beautiful place

amidst the tall grasses

a lucid dream

so time spent with him seems

with him

or with me

its all the same

but i do like the energy

that circulates back to me again and again

a pure love

as pure as one might find

of two people coming together

without attachment

one and one is one when we unite…

Back in the Valley 2

my shoulders tighten
my back aches
my nose becomes congested
in the thick air of conservatism
of sheltered rural life
i can and do play the part
but its not my natural truth
i’m close…
i respectfully walk
i slowly speak…
painting the view of another way
i’ve left this place
smelt other lands
felt air abroad
hugged and kissed the spectrum
danced under foreign skies
laughed out loud, until i cried
but we’re all the same
so if i feel this they do too…
if they feel this i do too..
in some way
in some fashion
waiting to be set free
wanting to fly

Back in the Valley

back in the valley
venturing down from the mountains
and away from the ocean
its all so close
yet it is still a valley, a bubble
the darkness reigns unintentionally
be sure to wear your Sunday best
pain on your mask
and join the congregation
its what you do
no harm, the don’t know any different
they all just need love too
so fit in enough…
then slowly but surely
help them see with love…
by just being who i am
who you are
who they are
who we are

What We Experience…

taking things on as our own…

so what we experience is only that…
it isnt ours its just what we do
its what we see
its what we taste
its what we hear
its what we feel
its what we think about
but none of it is ours…
nothing really belongs here or there
it just is…
so if this is the case…which i believe it is at this moment
then everything is accessible
confirming that nothing is personal… its all incredibly impersonal
so if thats the case… just enjoy whats there at that time
enjoy it for what it is… but know it has no owner
its for all to share, to love, to experience…