Waking Up in a Panic

Last night my husband had to rush into work as there was a huge outage likely due to the torrential downpour that was happening here in Sydney. This was sometime before dark and I consider it much easier to drive in the daylight than in the dark, especially in inclement weather. However, dark came early since it’s winter, and I kept an eye on him through Find Friends which is an app that we both have to locate one another in case of an emergency. Okay, all was fine. Close to 10p I went to bed and sent him a text saying to come and cuddle with me when he gets home.

This morning at 5am I awoke to his side of the bed empty, no texts, and he was no where to be found at home. I tried Find Friends and he was not locatable. His phone went directly to voicemail. I sent him an email, a Skype Message, a FaceBook message, so pretty much every way I know of how to get in contact with him. Nothing. Nothing. I tried to reassure myself that he was okay but I couldn’t help feeling very very concerned. My mind immediately went to the absolute worst case scenario, and I was completely distraught.

Finally I get a text back from him saying that his phone had died and that he was still at work. Sure that gave me some relief, but sheesh, I had already worked myself up so much, it didn’t really bring relief.

I try my best not to get too attached to people, places, things, ideas, because I know it’s all fleeting. However, I have become so attached to my husband and even the thought of something bad really throws me off in a major way. How do I reconcile this? How do I come to terms with this so that A) it doesn’t actualise in the worst case scenario because I really do believe that my thoughts are incredibly powerful agents of change and B) somehow loosen my grip on this attachment so that I am not completely destroyed if something does happen. So many what ifs. I know this is a dangerous game to play and one that serves me no good, yet I am playing it.

Along with this panicked start to the day, I have noticed the craziest not nice self talk happening to myself quietly. It’s like my mind has gotten on a runaway train and I know I have to bring it to a halt. None of this is doing me any good. I feel so unbelievably emotional and sad, almost like I am already grieving and that isn’t helpful to me. I’m likely tapping into the grief well within myself and all of the other emotional experiences that are tied to that are also being accessed subconsciously. I even found myself playing old music that I used to listen to way back when, when honestly I wasn’t all that happy, and I was completely unattached. It’s like I was taking a trip down a bad memory lane, to a place that doesn’t serve me well, and isn’t bringing good forward moving feelings of gratitude, love and happiness.

So what do I do to combat this? I took my vitamins this morning, I spent some time thinking about what I am grateful for, but I will write this down as it will have a bigger impact, something about writing it down and seeing the words is powerful and does create a shift. I did some deep breathing. I dabbed on some Rose Essential Oil. I took some flower essences, I played with baby. I made myself a protein shake. I took a shower, exfoliated, and then put on my makeup. I put on a white top, that really does seem to help my mood too. Really I am doing whatever I can to up my self care. I will meditate while bub is napping as well. A good walk when he wakes up will be great for both of us, especially now that the rain has broken and the sun is out. It’s been a long weekend indoors that’s for sure, then topped off with this last night/this morning, it’s been a bit much.

It really is true about the Golden Hour and how it sets the tone of your day. Now I’ll do what I can to get it back on track.

Au Pair – A Helping Hand

Since declaring what I will be doing, I have found a lot of excuses of why not to be doing it. In this, a big part of my excuse is that I am looking after bub full time and don’t seem to have the time to devote to my project. It seems to be more that I don’t have the energy to do it. I have had the energy to bake each day and to start 45 seedlings, but not energy to devote to what I really need to be doing. This could be about me hiding and resisting what I need to do, and I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that I can remedy this by bringing in help, so I’ve advertised for just that.

Certainly this has all been compounded by being cooped up all weekend long due to the torrential rain. Anyway, moving forward, looking for an au pair to help out and it will be great.


Unfocused day

Sometimes unfocused kind of scattered days come along. Today was kind of one of those days. It’s the weekend yet it was rainy and cold outside meaning that bub and all of us were cooped up inside of the house. On top of that, there was someone coming to look at my car that is for sale, and we weren’t fully sure when they were coming, so we really did just hang around the house, and bub really wasn’t into it. To break up the day, we took a tired irritated baby to the supermarket, which actually did work out for the most part for us.

I had planned on creating a plan, on setting some goals, on doing something to get me closer to my goal, and all in all, I didn’t do as much as I had hoped. With a housebound toddler who was needing my attention pretty much all the time, he really must be going through a phase, and my husband not feeling so hot, it meant that I was really on duty all day, and fine enough.

I am grateful that I have learned to be compassionate and understanding with myself. It’s okay to have these kinds of days even if they don’t feel all that great in comparison to days where things get done, or true relaxation has been achieved. These days are fine too and I am happy that I can say that it’s okay and I have the opportunity tomorrow to proceed.

What If I Documented My Process with LOA?

It dawned on me today that I could show others how to action LOA for a lifestyle upgrade by actually documenting my own experience step by step, maybe even day by day at times. I know I have a very powerful way of manifesting and this way I can literally share all of what is happening. This way, other people can see how I am doing it, and in turn do it themselves and upgrade their own lifestyle. How incredible would it be if I was able to positively impact people, specifically women, to upgrade their lives and feel better along the way? How incredible would it be if I helped to raise the vibration amongst this group so they can be more productive and happy in their own lives? How incredible would this be?!

So many times in my life I have done things that later I read about by someone else and I’m always like, yeah, I did that like 10 years or 15 years ago, and I kind of chuckle at myself. I have intermittently written about my adventures or at least how I am feeling in journals, on scraps of paper, on coasters, on posters, here on my blog and online in social media posts. However, I have not consistently tracked what I have done when I am actually doing it. So maybe now is a great time for me to do this and serve as living proof about lifestyle upgrading and reinvention of oneself.

Wouldn’t that be so nice if I was able to simultaneously upgrade my own life, share my process with others, and they also do the same! Yes, this sounds like a great plan. How do I know? It makes me feel energised. How else do I know? My body feels a bit of butterflies in the stomach, but in a very good way, how exciting! How else do I know this is the right path for me? It’s something that I have been practicing for as long as I can remember, and I know it very well and have shared bits and pieces along the way with so many different people, and I enjoy the process of sharing it all. Cool. There it is, I will document my own process of using Law of Attraction to upgrade my own lifestyle and share it with others so they can also upgrade their own levels of happiness and lifestyle too!

Law of Attraction Life Upgrade

Using Law of Attraction, the idea that like attracts like, is a key theme and way I have been able to upgrade my life again and again. Even before I had heard the words or the term law of attraction, it is what I was doing. It has been proved that our brains are plastic and can be reprogrammed and rewired by new habits. Those new habits can be real or imaginary because it takes place in the mind.

Countless business, psychology, and self help books all describe that in order to create change, you have to visual it first. Visualise each step and hold that in your mind and it will become that. Also I know firsthand that if you have contradictory thoughts, they will also emerge because the mind does not discriminate, it produces what is in there, even if you think it’s something that you don’t want, it is still holding space with the want.

Some key aspects of visualisation include relaxing, breathing deeply and allowing the mind to day dream. This can also be done using a guided visualisation meditation process as well. Another way is to write out in detail what is going to happen and to imagine it as clearly as possible, with all the details from all senses. What does it look like? what does it sound like? how does it smell? Can you taste anything particular? Overall by enlisting all of the senses, it brings the vision into a fuller image, into an almost tangible thing, and most importantly it produces a feeling. That feeling is going to be something to hold onto as feelings are like wood to a fire, they help it burn bright and help the transfer from what is in your mind to what is in front of you to actually happen.

This very simple process is applicable to all areas of life. The next key is to support it with thoughts and phrases that help you remember. They can be something like “I am healthy and strong” or “I am loveable and loving”. I find it best if you use very active “I Am” statements as over time when you repeat these, even if it feels unfamiliar at first, a time will come when a switch happens, and you can hear the conviction in your own voice because you now own that statement about yourself.

Another very key aspect to upgrading your life through law of attraction, after visualising, creating a clear picture, creating a supporting statement or mantra, is to also create actions and habits that support your goal. It doesn’t matter how much wishing you do, the most powerful part is in the doing. It always is, you have to show to yourself that you are doing what you know will get you to your goal. This way holistically you are supporting yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally to get to where you want and need to go to upgrade your life.

These habits of action need to be implemented in small pieces so that it’s easier to keep them going. If you do a cause and effect kind of habit, where if I am doing A then I do B next. An example would be every time I use the toilet, I write something I am grateful for in my gratitude journal that is in the bathroom. Another example is every morning when I get up I take a moment to feel appreciation for the sleep I had (regardless of how much I actually got), I then put both feet out of bed at the same time and get up standing strong and into a stretch before moving forward with my day. These habits will support your efforts and make the process of you moving towards your goal much easier.

Also celebrating the accomplishments you have made along the way is so major. This is something that I have had to work on. I have found that manifesting what I want in life to be pretty easy, but I then hurry along to the next part without properly taking the time to enjoy and revel in the fact that I have done a piece of the work along the way to the bigger project. Celebrating can be big or small. It can be taking time to read a chapter of a book you’ve been wanting. It can be buying yourself a little personal “way to go” or “thank you” gift which will help serve as a reminder when you look at it that you are indeed, on your way.

Upgrading your life is actually really easy, especially after you get the hang of it. You just have to do it with intention, clarity, and really support you and your efforts. You have to support you and the rest will all fall into place, I promise.

Cleaning to Allow the New

Being in a cluttered, messy environment makes me feel very uneasy. I get to a point at home where I cannot relax until the house is somewhat in order. It could be from my roots where this phobia comes from, or it could be that I don’t get overly attached to things, and all in all I’d rather not have a bunch of stuff around for stuff’s sake. Also having been a traveler, I came to Australia with hardly anything, so everything I have now, I’ve acquired in the last six years. I clean out my closet regularly and I try to donate or give away things that I don’t need and or use. The feeling after it’s gone, is so nice, and it makes it all worth it.

The idea that you cannot take anything else in your hands if they are full, totally resonates with me. If I let go of whatever I have in one of my hands, then I can receive something new and hopefully better. I can then upgrade my life piece by piece this way. I’m okay with that, since short of a big windfall of money, this is how I will make my way and help improve our lot in life as of now.

Decluttering can seem like a monstrous task, and procrastination easily joins in on the ride. I still have issues with throwing out papers, even though I know I can scan them because I just haven’t fully gotten into that yet. I don’t throw away my journals for the same reason. I also have a hard time giving away, donating or even selling books that I think I will use. Almost everything else, I can let go of.

It’s interesting to see what I become attached to and what I can easily say good bye to. There was one stage in my life where I was so unattached to things that I gave away what I would consider now, to be very sentimental things that I cannot get back. Such things are a piece of art that my little sister made when she was in junior high. It was a copper twisted tree hanging onto a big stone, I left it with an old partner when I moved out. Another was a quilt my grandmother had sewn and gave to me that I left at my friends house, who thankfully kept it and now has it with her in California, so I know I’ll at least get that back. Strangely another is the award I won for the “Face of Voyeur” when I was a part of the Byron Fashion Show that I just left in a share house that I had been living in. I wish I would have kept these things. There are probably some others, but these come to mind quite a bit for me.

So now, when I am decluttering, letting things go, and just eliminating things from my life, I take a bit more care to keep things that I still am emotionally attached to. I don’t want to end up in the position of longing for something I can no longer have, it only takes up mental space. In general I don’t cling to the past. I am fine to move on and keep progressing in my life. I almost feel that it’s because I am easy to let things go that it is conversely also easy for me to keep moving.

Decluttering and cleaning house has profound effects. The cleaner and clearer the house, the cleaner and clearer the mind. It’s all a manifestation and if I can do one to influence the other, then so I shall.

What is Mine Will Always Be

In the same way that Marketing has moved from a Push, Push, Push environment where the company was pushing their product onto the consumer, to a Pull environment where the consumer is pulled to the product by clever communication strategies, life in general is appears to also hold that trend and truth.

I have total faith that what is mine will always be mine and this is the pull system. The life I want and will have will always be mine, it could only ever be mine. If I work on myself, find ways to improve and implement those changes, if I do my best to help others and serve and grow in that way, all of these changes lead to and make up my life. This is true for anyone, if you continue to put out your own energy of who you are and what you are here to do, then life will come to you! Life comes to me! All I have to do is hold true to who I am, be the best that I can be, and move forward with action to create the life I want, and it all happens.

When people tell me that so and so stole their partner from them, I internally question what was really going on for that to happen. What in their relationship went so sour that it got to that point? Furthermore, I don’t believe that anyone can ever be “stolen” from someone else. If they are yours, if they are the one you are meant to be, your love will endure, there will be no question, and that’s it. It has nothing to do with ownership over someone else, more to do with ownership of your self. Personal responsibility and taking ownership of the fact that you have a certain pull or attraction about your person, it’s your energy, your vibe, your way of being, this is what keeps your life the way it is.

As soon as you start changing your mind on things, start changing your life, your energy will change too, and it’s all okay. The things and people and places that were a part of your life before the change that are truly there and in accordance to the vibe you are giving off, will stay, and the ones that no longer jive will drop off, fade away and this is all okay.

What is mine will always be mine. What is yours will always be yours. When you feel that sense of competition, remember this, as nothing that is yours can be taken away, because it wasn’t yours in the first place, and that is okay.